공허해

Whoa, as I predicted, I'm really back her after 3 months!
Hahaha.
This time though, I'm not here to rant. THANKFULLY.

The painful period has passed. And prolly because I had Arina to complain to, I was able to tolerate it all. I guess bitter feelings still remain but, what to do..

Arina if you do see this (i doubt so but anyways), HAI AND THANK YOU AND I LOVE YOU HAHAHAHA :)

Projects and exams are over, so it's the holidays now. 2 weeks into the holidays (there's 4 more weeks) and I'm already dying of boredom. I'm definitely gonna regret saying this - I always do - but I really don't know what to do with all this time otl.

During the school term, I don't have enough sleep because I'm rushing things. But during the holidays, I don't have enough sleep simply because I can't sleep. I don't know if I've ever said this before but I haven't had a decent sleep (unless medicated or rare days or i'm really tired) ever since I moved into my mum's room to sleep.

Many reasons, I guess: 1) Not used to the bed (not possible since I kinda can sleep anywhere) 2) overthinking 3) It's just not my room

Sometimes, I envy my mum, coz she falls asleep so easily but I take forever to fall asleep. It really takes a toll on me. I feel so emotionally exhausted but I just can't seem to fall asleep. I guess it's because my brain is more active at night. Sigh pie.

I know I need to let things go (LET IT GOOOOOOOO) but I just can't really understand why I can't. I keep telling myself, how long has it been? It's time to let go. But look what am I doing.

These days, I find it hard to be genuinely happy. It's like I forget how to be happy. It's sad, right? Things at home can get quite strained sometimes. When everything's okay, it's okay. But when shit happens.. Shit REALLY happens. Otl.

I feel so suffocated sometimes.

Sometimes I wonder, what would it be like if I could fly away from here. Fly away from everything and go somewhere secluded and peaceful. Somewhere where I can do what I want and be the person I want.

But that's impossible, right?



Dreamers, they feel the pain everyday.