emotions are getting the better of me.

i was hanging out at wip's blog.
i just realised I haven't talked to wip and nicole like, properly, in a very very long time.
hais. :(
this year, i think i've broken my resolution of not crying so much.
because, i really cried a lot.
gosh, wheres the strong brave girl who has confidence and the never say die attitude?
wheres the ironlady?
my emotions are all getting the better of me.
my life is so...
i dont know.
these days, i'm starting to be more and more melanchonic.

sometimes, its just so hard to even smile.
sometimes, its just so hard to be positive.
sometimes, its just so hard.

when will i really be strong again?
my defenses are all breaking through the holes.

i've never been good with the affairs of the heart.
but the questions never stops coming.
raising curiousity?
doubts?
i dont know anymore.
i'd love to say i dont care over and over, but i realise at the end of the day, i still do.

Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love,

the things you are,

and the things you never want to lose.

but is it right of me to remember everything?
the good, and even the bad?

7-8 more months left.
i've got to do this.
its what i want, what i need, and what i have to do.