Thursday, October 6, 2016

un - important

Wow. It's been almost... 1.5 years since the last post????
Sorry, it's just that my anger/feelings dissipate really fast and by the time i actually type something out, I usually lose the feels to do so lol. Usually Dayre (check me out at: does the trick, but I had strong feelings to blog today.

Been so tired with work lately, and my mood has been all over the place too. It's probably due to my period that's prolly on it's way lol. (and prolly also because my birthday is in less than a week ugh)

21.. tbh, the reality hasn't really struck me yet. They say that 21 is the big step into adulthood, so you should have a grand celebration.

Perhaps it's due to the fact that I never really did throw a birthday party or so, but I honestly don't feel the hype about it. Another birthday, another year older.

My mum burst into laughter when she heard me saying that. "Why do you sound so.... olD?"
Well... I do have an old soul tho. Besides, parties aren't really my thing because crowds, and i don't have many close friends either. That sounds pathetic, but I won't have it any other way.

Yet, at the same time, this is a problem.

These friends have their own friends too. There's nothing wrong with that, but I feel like I've become the second option or something.

I don't have a desperate need to meet up every week, but how many appointments have we lost, because something cropped up.

I know things happen, and sometimes, it's really out of our control. But when the same damn thing happens so many times that even I've lost count.... I can't help but to listen to the devil talk me in to doubting your sincerity.

Do you know how much each hurts to be looking forward to something, only to be poured with ice water just minutes before? And the "i-told-you-so" look on my parents' faces when I tell them that once again, I got cancelled.

I understand family comes first. That goes without saying, because it's the same for me too.
I understand you love your job, and for your kind of job, it's inevitable that your work schedule changes at the most unfortunate of times.

But it takes effort. If you want to meet someone, you can maneuver your schedule as such.
I don't deny, you can object if you're feeling not up to it.
But then.. It's not just 1 outing. I don't know.... See, the devil is already messing with my head.

I remind myself that I have to be understanding to be a good friend. I'm no saint, but I try my best to accommodate you. Maybe it's because I don't pick a hissy fit that you take my acceptance for granted?

And so, I keep asking, when would be a good day?
In all honesty, even I am annoyed at how needy and pathetic I sound. I can't help but feel like I'm the only one who wants to meet and that I'm just bugging you.

But you know what's worse? It's hearing you tell me you aren't free and seeing you going out with your other friends?

Geez, I sound like some jealous girlfriend. I'm not. I just feel like because I'll always say "it's okay", I'll be swept away under the carpet. Am I not important enough? Feels like I'm always at the sidelines.

If you ever see this, I know you'll think that I don't understand your position.

I do, because if I didn't... I don't think we'd be able to stay friends for the past few years.

Just.. Ignore this. It's just the hormones.

Friday, May 22, 2015


After 3 years of turmoil..
I am finally done with poly!!!

Tadaa here's a shot with the diploma and grad robe!

Featuring the family :D We look like we're shooting a commercial for Darlie or something LOL?



In all honesty, I'm not too sure if I want to be happy about graduating lol.

On one hand, I'm happy that I don't have to deal with some of the people that I know. Tbh I already felt detached during the last semester and even more detached during intern.

I really hate saying this, but I really don't fit in anywhere lol. I guess, it's my fault somehow?

I realise that people who know me in poly and from secondary school would have totally different impressions of me. In poly, I seem to act even more like a bitch? Lol, i'm really not like that. Not saying that I'm an angel or whatever, but I really don't have the energy for that kind of drama.

Then again, there's always people who will judge you first, so... there really isn't any difference.

I dont want to graduate because as of now I don't think I'm ready to face the world. And I am also sick of people asking me what are my future plans.

The usual stereotype is to go to a University.

The moment I say, "I'm prolly going to work first." People are like, "Aren't you going to try for a Uni?"

In the first place, I'm embarrassed to say this (and i do regret it lol) that my results really aren't good, so I won't be able to make it even in to uni.

Most of my friends are entering uni.

It's a lie if I said I wasn't pressured. I am.

I'm not stressed about entering uni.I feel pressured because I feel like I have to conform to everyone's stereotypes. Just because I'm not going to uni it means I don't know what to do with my life? Bullshit.

Excuse me, but I know what I want. (Believe it or not, people are going to judge me again.)

I want to be an Artiste Manager.

No, it's not because of kpop. While that makes up 5% of the reason why, I've wanted to pursue something in this line for a very long time.

I've been musically influenced by my parents since I was young since they had worked in a record company before, I was in the choir for 4 years, and an a ca pella group for around 2 years.
Is it still surprising after knowing this?

I am fully aware that this isn't going to be a job that pays well. And I'm prepared. Reason being, I'm not after money in the first place.

Ever since I was young, I vowed to myself to find a job that I like and not something because of money.

Last year, I read a book called Unleash Your Dreams, written by Michael E. Silverman. Basically it's a motivational book. Though I didn't manage to read it thoroughly, I managed to sift through some insightful parts.

"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you're doing, you'll be successful."

I totally agree. I cannot imagine myself doing something I hate just because I need to pay the bills. I know I won't be able to last long in that case.

I guess it's safe to say that this book really did manage to put some confidence in me because I became even clearer of what I want.

But, as life is, there are always obstacles.

I understand my parents, I really do. But I hate that they say they support me but passively try to dissuade me at the same time. I feel betrayed. You said you believe in me, but you don't even trust me.

As mentioned earlier on, many of my friends are entering uni. Seeing that I'm not applying for any, I guess my mum is nervous? I'm pretty aware of what I'm doing, but sometimes her distrust makes me doubt myself.

I always mention that taking up triple science in sec 3 was my biggest regret. After reading the book, I discovered why I always didn't do well. I ended up taking triple science because it was what I should have taken since I was eligible. I tried to fool myself into thinking that I would be able to cope whatever would be coming. I was of course, wrong. So, very wrong. At that juncture, I had already decided to go to a poly, but I still chose triple science. Right now, you ought to think I was a fool. I was.

In any case, I don't want to make a second mistake. This time, it involves money. University fees are no joke. Even if I use my parent's cpf, I would eventually still have to pay back; interest included. I don't want to take something for the sake of getting a degree. I know my style of studying. You can say that I'm very selective. I will study for the things I like. Who wouldn't? I want to take something that I won't get sick of even if it's studying for a test.

As of right now, I have a few choices. I actually considered Laselle College of Arts. They have the degree course that I want, but the fees are.. out of my league. So that's a no.

The other choice is to work, and then study abroad. I wanted to use this option now, but yet again, I have limited finances. I do plan to go Korea to study since I wish to work in that field, so it would be in a relevant context. The tuition fees there are slightly cheaper, but I would require a visa and guarantor.

All this thinking is giving me a headache lol. But in any case, I'm pretty sure of the second option for now, unless another path opens up for me.

I know I shouldn't let people's opinions get to me, but I really hate knowing that they feel I don't know what to do with my life? Ironically, I feel that I'm clearer than they'll ever be lol.

I swear, if anyone is going to ask me again about my future, please listen to this song.

Seriously, these songs expresses my feelings exactly right now.

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

[B] old if true

I am 5'7" or taller
I wear glasses
I have at least one tattoo
I have at least one piercing
I have blonde hair
I have brown eyes
I have short hair
My abs are at least somewhat defined
I have or have had braces
There is something I would change about the way I look

My Hogwarts house is: Gryffindor Hufflepuff Ravenclaw Slytherin
My MBTI type is: [E] [I] [S] [N] [F] [T] [P] [J]  
(I do a lot of personality adjustments, that's why it differs person to person)
I am an introvert 
I like meeting new people
People tell me that I’m funny
Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me
I enjoy physical challenges
I enjoy mental challenges
I’m playfully rude with people I know well
I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it
There is something I would change about my personality

I can sing well
I can play an instrument
I can do over 30 pushups without stopping
I’m a fast runner
I can draw well
I have a good memory
I’m good at doing math in my head
I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute
I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling
I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch
I know how to throw a proper punch

I enjoy playing sports
I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else
I’m in a band or choir at my school or somewhere else
I have learned a new song in the past week
I work out at least once a week
I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months
I have drawn something in the past month
I enjoy writing
Fandoms are my #1 passion
I do or have done martial arts

I have had my first kiss
I have had alcohol
I have scored the winning goal in a sports game
I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting
I have been at an overnight event
I have been in a taxi
I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year
I have beaten a video game in one day
I have visited another country
I have been to one of my favourite band’s concerts

I’m in a relationship
I have a celebrity crush
I have a crush on someone I know
I have been in at least 3 relationships
I have never been in a relationship
I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them
I get crushes easily
I have had a crush on someone for over a year
I have been in a relationship for at least a year
I have had feelings for a friend

I have at least one person I consider a “best friend”
I live close to my school
My parents are still together
I have at least one sibling
I live in the United States
There is snow right now where I live
I have hung out with a friend outside of school in the past month
I have a smartphone
I own at least 15 CDs
I share my room with someone

I have breakdanced
I know a person named Jamie
I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce
I have dyed my hair
I’m listening to one song on repeat right now
I have punched someone (lightly and/or playfully counts) in the past week
I know someone who’s been in jail
I have broken a bone
I have eaten a waffle today
I know what I want to do with my life
I speak at least 2 languages fluently
I have made a new friend in the past year

Monday, April 27, 2015

64 not-so-usual questions

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?
Doubt? Tbh i don't really get what this question is asking hahaha..

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?
2? I only get afraid if I'm outside.

3. The person you would never want to meet?
Can't think of anyone right now..

4. What is your favorite word?
Rather than a favourite word, I say "annoying" a lot haha!

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?
A willow tree?

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?
"I always look tired" LOL

7. What shirt are you wearing?
My choir tee!

8. What do you label yourself as?
I don't really label myself..

9. Bright room or dark room?

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Sleeping? HAHA. I was having a horrible migraine.

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

12. Who told you they loved you last?
My mum!

13. Your worst enemy?
Myself tbh.

14. What is your current desktop picture?

It's on shuffle but currently it's this one :)

15. Do you like someone?
Right now, no.

16. The last song you listened to?
I'm currently listening to 추운 비 (Cold Rain) - 4Minute. (It counts as the most recent right??)

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?
That's gross.. I really wouldn't do that.

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?
Myself from last time.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?
Um.. I don't really have anyone in mind lol..

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)
I've heard it's my smile? hehe but I like my eyes a lot!

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?
I haven't thought of something like this before..

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?
I would say singing but I won't call it a secret and a talent LOL

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?
Shattered glass. I can't look at it. I would start having goosebumps and cold sweat.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.
Um. Ham?

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?
Save $50, spend the rest on food and clothes :)

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?
Nah, i can't and WON'T ever drink.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? 
Compromise with one another.

29. What is your favorite expletive?
I have no favourite but I tend to say "fuck" a lot.. heh.

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?
Wallet tbh LOL. I'm being realistic.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
First love.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?
There isn't any..

34. What was your last dream about?
Me chasing an unknown person..

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?
person? I'd like to believe that I am.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

37. Have you ever built a snowman?
~Do you wanna build a snowmannnnnnnnnnnn~ HEHEHE

38. What is the color of your socks?
I'm not wearing any socks..

39. What type of music do you like?
Acoustic, pop, indie

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

42. What football team do you support? 
I don't watch football whoops.

43. Do you have any scars?
A lot actually. Eczema scars mainly, but one or two from clumsy falls last time.

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?
A band manager!

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I wish I had more courage to fight for the things I want.

46. Are you reliable?
I'd like to think so.

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?
Are you happy where you are now?

48. Do you hold grudges?
Not really. Even if I wanted to, I'd forget once I'm distracted with something else.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?
...... I can't really remember..

51. Are you a good liar?
Kind of?

52. How long could you go without talking?
2-3 hours?

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?
A short bob in 08/09. I had a chubbier face then, so having short hair was just really.. NO.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?
No.. But I've made cupcakes for a friend's birthday!

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?
Somehow I picked up a bit of satoori LOL

56. What do you like on your toast?
Plain Ol' butter.

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?
A swan? HAHA.

58. What would be you dream car?
A big one like a range rover?

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.
Yep i sing haha.

60. Do you believe in aliens?

61. Do you often read your horoscope?
Not really. On occasions when I happen to see it.

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?
N. It's my initial!

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

64. What do you think about babies?
They are all cute!!! I won't say I'm good with kids because I'm scared of approaching them tbh HAHA. But somehow kids are attracted to me? LOL THAT SOUNDS REALLY CONCIETED but it's true!

Thursday, April 23, 2015

S huffle music

Just making this kind of like a filler post otl it's been too long i'm so sorry!!

I'm sorry please forgive me!!

Let the shuffle begin!

Title of the first song you land on describes how you die:
중독 (Overdose) - EXO

Second song describes your love life:
좋았던 건, 아팠던 건 (When I Was.. When U Were...) - SM THE BALLAD (Krystal & Chen)
but.... this is a sad song????

Third song will play at your wedding:
Stay Together - 2NE1

"Add “in my pants” to the fourth song you land on:
소원을 말해봐 (Genie "in my pants") - Girls' Generation
Fifth song will be playing at your funeral:
Beautiful - EXO 

Sixth song is your theme song:
너 아님 안돼 - 2NE1
This my jam yoooooooooooo 

Seventh song will play when you think of someone you love:
기적 (Eternity) - VIXX 
awwwww :)

Add “with a shovel and a screwdriver” to the title of the eighth:
New Beautiful "With a shovel and a screwdriver" - EPIK HIGH 
this really doesn't make sense HAHA

Ninth song will describe your week:
Hot Summer - f(x) 
HAHAH this was pretty true, but it started raining for the past 2 days tho

Tenth song will play when you miss someone:
Beautiful Stranger - f(x) 

Since 10 songs are too short, I'll do an extended version (LOL)

You can tell a lot about someone by the music they listen to. 
Hit “shuffle” on your iPod/iPhone/iTunes/media player and write down the first 20 songs.

1. Wish You Were Here - Hey Monday
2. Bye  - 태연 Taeyeon (미스터 고 OST)
3. 대.다.나.다.너 (G.R.8.U) - 빅스 VIXX
3. To. Darling - 달 샤벳 Dal Shabet
4. Try - Nelly Furtado
5. I Would - 헨리 Henry
6. 청춘이 아파 (Youth Hurts) - 빅스 VIXX
7. Lupin - 카라 Kara
8. 늑대와 미녀 (Wolf) - 엑소 EXO
9. Black Pearl (Live At THE LOST PLANET) - 엑소 EXO
10. 멍청한 사람 (Foolish Love) - 빅방 Big Bang
11. 가슴 아파도 - 환희 Hwanhee
12. If I Die Young - The Band Perry
13. Dangerous (Medusa II) - 샤이니 SHINee
14. Turn It Off - Paramore
15. 첫 사랑 - CLC
16. 소녀, 사랑을 만나다 (Featuring 티파니 Tiffany) - 케이 윌 K.Will
17. 이야기 - 카라 Kara
18. 뛰뛰방방 - 비투비 BtoB
19. Automatic - 레드벨벳 Red Velvet
20. Heights - 엠버 Amber

There's a variety of songs I listen to tho hehe :) Though, right now I don't know what kind of conclusion to make? heuheuheu.
Well, that's all for now! I'll prolly post soon again, if not today! Until then~

Friday, September 19, 2014


Pictures with the logo are taken from YG's Facebook Page. The rest are mine. 
I do not own any of the videos. Credit goes to the owners!

So I managed to get to go to YG FAMILY'S CONCERT IN SINGAPORE on 14 Sept, Sunday! :D

There was a photo booth for the event outside the stadium. It was part of Samsung's road show (first picture). There was this event where we had to complete stations to get the badges below. (Me and my mum both have 4 each and THERE IS RIRIN HAHAHAHA ALL MY FEELS IT IS DEFINITELY A SIGN)
The photo booth was the last station :)

The view from where I was seated. I didn't zoom in, so I actually have a pretty good view. HEHE. Colour Ring was playing when I got in :) :)

These were the only lightsticks we had because the goods arrived late. Nonetheless, we still had fun!

Concert start! :) Look at all the pretty light sticks! :D

Final bow. (Do you spot 2NE1 on the screen? :D)

Unlike 2NE1's concert 2 months ago, I didnt manage to fancam any of the performance because
1) I was scared of security LOL I DONT WANNA BE CHASED OUT
2) I was genuinely having so much fun that I didn't have the time to react even if i wanted to
sooooo sorry guys! But I will try to give my experience of the whole concert! :D I'll write it in segments!

Come Back Home
Gotta Be You

I can never accurately express how awesome they are and how much I actually love them for that simple fact. SERIOUSLY. JUST LOOK AT THEM. The amount of girl power they exude. It's infectious. Hehe. Anyway. I always knew Minzy was sexy, but OMG. This was just the beginning but I was already losing my voice HAHAHA. The crowd was so high! It was really awesome. At Come Back Home's chorus, the crowd was singing along so loud that I could barely hear Bom! THAT definitely say a lot about Singapore's love for 2NE1! :)

-Epik High-
Love Love Love Ft. Dara

I wasn't familiar with the first 2 songs, but I was nodding along because Tablo and Mithra's raps were SO AWESOME. Especially for 비겨! Whoa. I mean, personally I'm not really that into rap (purely because I can't do it, not that I don't appreciate it) but listening to them killing that track just made me go WOW. As expected from someone in the industry for a really long time. And then Dara came out! Kyaaaa she's so cute hehe. For Love Love Love, Dara was the best candidate for the song as her sweet tone brought out the freshness of the song.

There was this moment that was really hilarious.
DJ Tukuz: Do you know Twitter?
Tuk: Do you have Twitter?
Crowd: -mostly- YESSSSSSSSSSS
Tuk: REALLY???? ME TOO. -twitter ID flashes on screen) FOLLOW FOLLOW ME (It's funny because he imitated the line from a CF that GD did)

They're like 30+ but seriously no one in YG acts their age HAHAHA - IT'S A GOOD THING LOL.
After all the laughing, they went on to talk about their upcoming album.

Blo: We have an album coming up and we hope that you guys would support us. I don't usually boast but..
This album..
Is gonna be...
The best..
In the history of....................................................
Tuk: Buy 10 copies each.
Mithra: No, 100.
Blo (? I can't remember who said what exactly after this): Nah, 1000.
Mithra: Just get 10, 000 copies.
Tuk: NO. 100,000!!!
Blo: -laughs- But seriously. We hope you guys would support us. :)

Seriously these guys tho. :') They're really funny HAHA.

Go Up
Smile Again

Omg when Winner came out I just screamed like crazy. Seriously. They are all so handsome!!!!!!! *squeals NAMTAE AND MINO* Jinwoo was smiling so much too :D Kyaaaaa~

Their English is so cute! HAHA. Seungyoon has a good usage of English but because of his accent I could barely make out whatever he said. Aigoo. Namtae, Seunghoon and Mino's were clearer!

Namtae was seriously giving a lot of fan service (i.e. blowing kisses everywhere and smiling at the screen cutely *squeals*). Seunghoon too! I guess it's also because the response they received was way better than they expected. There are actually a lot of Inner Circles!

And can I just add that Jinwoo's live singing really improved a lot (compared from Winner TV). His notes are so much more stable now.

Seriously, if not because their light sticks were sold out on the second day, there would be way more bluen in the sea of light sticks. As an Inner Circle, I feel so proud watching them :)


Haru Haru
Bad Boy
Fantastic Baby


They were awesome -as usual- though the whole mood was generally more mellow because Seungri wasn't there :( Due to the accident, he had to stay back and recuperate back at home in Korea. Okay tbvh I was really disappointed because he's my bias *sobs* but then again I'd really rather he took his time to get well rather than risk his health.

Taeyang was on with his ad lib thing.
"Say yeah~!"
"Say yeah yeah yeah~~~~"

Oh yeah. During Seungri's parts, there was his backing vocals but Daesung only sang certain parts. It was like they were imagining him with them. They even left a spot for him ugh all my feelssssssssss tbh it felt so sad aish. But it really warms my heart that they show their concern for him like this. The hyungs might bully him a lot but ultimately they do love him -ugh too cheesy-

They also hinted that they'll be coming back really soon! :D Hehehehehe come back homeeeee~ ;) I really hope they do!

WINNER - Just Another Boy

The front is cut off but this was the best fancam that I could find with all 5 members in the frame. The boys were so energetic for this one. I feel so happy and proud whenever I see them and I'm sure you will when you watch it! :)

G-Dragon - The Baddest Female + CL - M.T.B.D
The amount of swag in this performance though. WHOA. It's dae-to-the-bak. Really. The sexiness that CL gives out too - mental breakdown - literally. She's not only sexy, but classy, which is why I look up to her so much.

G-Dragon - Crayon
Do I really need to explain? *smirks* As expected, it was a really energetic performance that really brought the crowd up on their feet to jam along to the song!

T.O.P ft. Mino + Dara - Doom Dada

Again, this was the best fancam I could find.
Dara's intro in the beginning was so CUTE I REALLY CANNOT.

A little bit wasted, Mino's rap was cut off here. Tbh when Mino started rapping I though it was Tabi because he sounded so much like him!!! When he came out -to no one's surprise- I squealed like crazy. I mean I have heard fan accounts of this collab perf but seeing it in person is just really another level.

Tabi's rap is just effing amazing. No words needed, just watch it for yourself. He wins hands down HAHA.
It's like his charisma is overflowing when he raps and then suddenly the aegyo attack at the end was the cherry on top. HAHA HE SUCCEEDED IN KILLING THE AUDIENCE - me included.

Daesung + Seungyoon - Ugly (2NE1)
This was a really cute performance (I mean the idea of it). If you've heard of Ugly by 2NE1, you'd know that the chorus would go like this:

I think I'm ugly and nobody wants to love me
Just like her I wanna be pretty

But they changed the "her"s to "him" and "pretty" to "handsome". HEHE. I guess they both collaborated like this because in the group they're usually voted on the lower ranks for visual? NOT THAT I'M SAYING THEY'RE NOT HANDSOME BECAUSE THEY REALLY ARE. I don't know though, it's just a wild guess.

And omg. Put these 2 power vocals and you really get an awesome performance. Both their voices complement each other really well! They have a slight similarity in the voices, in a sense, because they both suit rock music really well and that's what Ugly is in (not really rock but kinda like pop rock-ish??). They prolly also chose this song because it complements both their styles!

-Epik High-
Eyes, Nose, Lips (Tablo Ft. Taeyang)
Up Ft. Bom
Don't Hate Me

The collabs here were really good! I would have to say that Bom's control has really improved a lot because her voice really blossomed at Up. REALLY. Then there was this really cute part that she danced along with Mithra and Tablo. HEHE CUTENESS OVERLOAD. Don't Hate Me itself is a really fun song and seeing it live is just like a dream come true seriously HAHA.

Side note: Tablo really likes to spray the audience with water and Mithra followed suit xD

BIGBANG - I Love You (2NE1)

The level of ridiculousness and embarrassment OTL. Just watch it for yourself. I really have no words for this one HAHA.

Here you can hear seungri's voice and no one covering for him. I don't know to be happy or sad there's no seungri because I can only imagine how he'll be tortured if he was present HAAHA.

Of course, I believe tabi is having the most fun in trying to imitate Bom otl HAHA -or that's what I'd like to think- MEHEHEHE.

Right Now
It's Art
Gangnam Style

Tbvh, I was pleasantly surprised that I actually enjoyed his segment of the show! I really liked the way PSY interacted with the audience. Prolly because his English is pretty good, so there was a 2-way interaction. I think I can safely say that he managed to bring the whole stadium up on their feet during his songs even if they have never heard of them! For his segment, the translation of the lyrics are on the screen, so it kinda help the crowd feel the mood he was trying to translate to us. It was really cool :D

I Am the Best
Can't Nobody

It makes me so happy to see the girls so happy whenever they are in Singapore. Really. After PSY's segment, everyone pretty much stood till till the end of the concert. Everyone was jumping, singing/screaming to the song. The feeling is indescribable. Just.. AWESOME.

Hands Up

The crowd was mainly VIPs, so the mood was really up at this point. Tbh I was already tired at this point because I was jumping and screaming all the way HAHAHA. Nonetheless, I carried on screaming :p

YG Family - Go Away (2NE1)
YG Family - Fantastic Baby (BIGBANG)
YG Family - Gangnam Style (PSY)

Tbh, I was looking forward to encore but then everyone was really scattered everywhere so I didn't know where to focus on! At this point, everyone was very tired already, so actually, for the second day, there wasn't much moments.

Except that our dear Seunghoon fell from the stage. OTL I THOUGHT I HAD A HEART ATTACK. It seemed like a pretty bad fall, but thankfully he is well and only has bruises. Well.. I guess he's okay since he's joking again during their current promotions these few days. Gah I hope they take a rest tho.. Their schedule is so tight.

Back to Encore, -to no one's surprise- Tabi imitated Minzy during the roll call (AGAIN HE DOES IT EVERYWHERE). AND NOT TO FORGET PSY TOO. LOL.

All in all, YG Family really does not disappoint. It was really worth my money. OH YEAH I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT THEY HAD A LIVE BAND SO THAT MEANT THAT EVERYTHING WAS SANG L-I-V-E. Whoa seriously. The professionalism of all the artistes are so good. WINNER INCLUDED. Everyone's live is so good. T-T

It's a pity that Lee Hi and AKMU weren't here tho. Oh well. I hope they visit again. With Seungri. And hopefully iKon too!

THIS IS THE BEST CONCERT I EVER HAD AND THE WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS ARE SO BAD. It wasn't so bad with 2NE1 because I knew that they were coming back again for this one. BUT. SIGH. Hopefully Big Bang comes back soon. HEHE.

So yep. That's all from me! Hope I was able to describe my experience well!

Saturday, September 13, 2014

45 things about Nina

I'll stop whenever I feel like it, okay. HEHE.

1. My name is Nur Amanina Bte Mohd Rasol.

2. My moon sign is Taurus.

3. I'm really tall for a girl. I'm like 170 cm.

4. My first dream job was to be a bus driver. HAHA. That was just coz my grandfather was working as a bus driver at that time okay. I don't even know why.

5. I'm an ambivert. Likeeeeee 51% introvert and 48% extrovert.

6. I get defensive really fast if you push the wrong buttons.

7. I've been told I'm intimidating and fierce.. I can't say I'm not so..

8. I get angry but it blows away really fast.

9. I don't know what my anger limit is.

10. Apparently my tolerance level has increased by a lot.

11. I'm sensitive with skinship and am quite reserved with it.

12. I'm not a very affectionate person. I feel that they should only be said and done when meant genuinely.

13. I'm an awkward person. No kidding.

14. I have a very old soul. Seriously. I guess it's due to the fact that I ponder over things quite often, so I often come out with my own rationale about life. Yes, I think about life a lot lol.

15. I've been singing since 2008 but I don't think I'm very good in it.

16. I've dreamt of being a singer but.. refer to 15. Lately I've been dreaming of being an idol manager though. It's tough, but it's fun too. We all need some challenges in life eh? Since I can't be a singer myself, I'll be able to watch people accomplish what I couldn't do :)

17. I want to study in Korea.
I don't know why I'm explaining myself but here's to anyone who's willing to read on. Contrary to popular belief, it is not just because of kpop. That's just a plus. I've always been interested in the entertainment industry since I was young. Yes I did try to apply for an Arts Business course but I didn't get in okay.
Why Korea and not others (I mean, Hollywood exists too)?
a) Korean's entertainment industry is currently very happening, what with the increasing popularity of kpop groups. Very much unlike Singapore. Let's face it, even local talents (like the really talented ones) hardly get recognised. It's a very small industry here.
b) Korea follows the Asian oriental culture. Though more rigid than Singapore in terms of traditional beliefs, it would be easier to adapt to. (Hey I didn't study cultural intelligence for nothing.)
c) Even if we're not talking about the entertainment scene, the arts scene there is pretty good too. Considering that they really appreciate classical music and also the visual arts. As there are people who appreciate such arts, there will be a market to cater to. In Singapore, yes such things are appreciated but honestly, it's not very supported.

OTL I CAN START A DEBATE ON THIS. Okay who am I kidding though. This is just my opinion. I hope I didn't offend anyone!

18. My all-time favourite movie and book is A Walk To Remember. HANDS DOWN.

20. I seem strong but I'm really not.

21. I cry really easily actually. I can cry over a sad movie, story or even song (if I'm really in the mood).

22. I think I suffer from insomnia currently. And it sucks.

23. I recognise people through their voices. I find it fun. For eg, if the singer is a big group (SNSD, Super Junior, EXO and lately BTS), I'd listen to the song and start recognising people. HEHE. When new songs come out I'd be like: OH THIS IS ____ and THIS IS _____ AHA that kinda thing you know.

24. And I think I have pitch memory. THINK ONLY.

25.I believe that I have an affinity with the moon. I was born in a dual lunar 8th month. So it was around Chuseok (Korean thanksgiving) or as the Chinese would call it: Mid autumn festival.

25. I like to daydream A LOT. Mr Cheak once told my parents that he's always catch me staring in front, but my eyes were never focused on him HAHAHAHA. I'd also often look out of the window (I had the window seat).

26. I've been told that I look very arrogant. I don't know if I really am though. I can't be the judge of that. Ask my friends hahaha.

27. I have a soft spot for ballads.

28. I used to have a noisy personality but I've became more quiet these few years.

29. According to Suhailah I'm very hard to read as a person.

30. I have a weakness for guys who can sing, have bangs and geek specs.

31. Because this is my blog I think I can reveal that I haven't been in a serious relationship before.

32. I don't believe in love at first sight.

33. But I believe in fate and destiny.

34. I firmly believe in what I stand for, so I will not hesitate even if I have to stand alone.

35. I used to be easily influenced, but not now. Rather, I think I influence people LOL

36. I am actually quite insecure about myself even if I don't seem like it.

37. If you know me you'd know that I'm a loyal Etude House fan :)

38. I believe that spending on skincare is more important than buying make-up itself.

39. The closest things I like next to music is fashion and make-up.

40. If I decide to dress up, I would go all out. Make-up included.

41. Even though I like dressing up, 90% of the time, I'll feel tired and lose the mood to dress up HAHA.

42. I'm not happiest at this moment, but I know that I am contented.

43. My favourite season is autumn. Prolly also because I was born around autumn. Haha. I have never experienced autumn, but I can imagine. Unlike spring, autumn is slightly colder. There's this air of melancholy in autumn that I like.

44. A senior once described me as spring. But I guess, somewhere along the way I became less cheerful and lost some "brightness".

45. I can deal with being alone but I hate dealing with loneliness. It's hard to describe but being alone and feeling lonely is 2 different things.

I guess I stop here.
Thanks for bothering to read until the end! :) Till next time~


Whoa, as I predicted, I'm really back her after 3 months!
This time though, I'm not here to rant. THANKFULLY.

The painful period has passed. And prolly because I had Arina to complain to, I was able to tolerate it all. I guess bitter feelings still remain but, what to do..

Arina if you do see this (i doubt so but anyways), HAI AND THANK YOU AND I LOVE YOU HAHAHAHA :)

Projects and exams are over, so it's the holidays now. 2 weeks into the holidays (there's 4 more weeks) and I'm already dying of boredom. I'm definitely gonna regret saying this - I always do - but I really don't know what to do with all this time otl.

During the school term, I don't have enough sleep because I'm rushing things. But during the holidays, I don't have enough sleep simply because I can't sleep. I don't know if I've ever said this before but I haven't had a decent sleep (unless medicated or rare days or i'm really tired) ever since I moved into my mum's room to sleep.

Many reasons, I guess: 1) Not used to the bed (not possible since I kinda can sleep anywhere) 2) overthinking 3) It's just not my room

Sometimes, I envy my mum, coz she falls asleep so easily but I take forever to fall asleep. It really takes a toll on me. I feel so emotionally exhausted but I just can't seem to fall asleep. I guess it's because my brain is more active at night. Sigh pie.

I know I need to let things go (LET IT GOOOOOOOO) but I just can't really understand why I can't. I keep telling myself, how long has it been? It's time to let go. But look what am I doing.

These days, I find it hard to be genuinely happy. It's like I forget how to be happy. It's sad, right? Things at home can get quite strained sometimes. When everything's okay, it's okay. But when shit happens.. Shit REALLY happens. Otl.

I feel so suffocated sometimes.

Sometimes I wonder, what would it be like if I could fly away from here. Fly away from everything and go somewhere secluded and peaceful. Somewhere where I can do what I want and be the person I want.

But that's impossible, right?

Dreamers, they feel the pain everyday.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

just for today

it's been 3 months since my last post. funny how I keep telling myself to post and release a little of my anger and all my anger dispels just before I post. but not today.

just for today, I'll admit that I'm vulnerable.
just for today, I'll admit that I'm weak.
just for today, I'll be bad.

I have so many emotions that I honestly don't know where to start.

funny how I said that I'm over him on a post 2 years ago. of course. what lies.

I met up with the secondary school friends last week.

I'm sorry I can never say out what I really feel, because you're involved in it, and it's not fair to drag you into it because you're still friends with him. Anyway, I'm pretty sure you guys have an idea of what happened. I just don't want you to know from my mouth. because.. I don't know. it's not because I don't trust you guys, believe me, I do. I just can't bear saying out all the ugly thoughts that have been in my mind all these years.

and right now, i really don't know how to deal with it any more. I really cannot understand why I'm still holding on to nothing. my unnies said i don't try hard enough.

Unnies, believe me, I've tried.

to be very honest, my first reaction to your words were: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

You don't know how it feels like to feel important to someone, only to be confused because there are so many mixed signals and eventually he decides to push you away without explaining why.

To be fair to you, I don't expect you to understand, because I was the one who went through it, not you. I wish I could delete away every single memory we had.

But I can't.

He's in our class. He's in my tuition class. He's practically EVERYWHERE.

How many times did his name casually pop up in our conversations?

And I can't even show that it affects me. Do you know how much it hurts? Each time his name is mentioned, I feel reality slapping me in the face.

Everyday I ask myself: When did I get so sad? I tried to find a beginning but I was already losing myself before I was even aware of it. I want to stop being so sad. I feel like a cloud, going around dampening the moods. 

I tried burying myself in work, but work gives me different kind of problems. I was fervently hoping this year wouldn't end up like last year's. 

엠 씨, you said you're not like her, but do you realise how much you're using me like she did?

I know that you probably weren't too happy with me because I was always late last year. You think I wouldn't know? Well, I do, and for your information, I really changed myself this year by trying to be on time and even being early sometimes. But you.. You are so unfair. There is another who comes later and more often than I did but you just shrug it off saying that she's like that. You don't even drill her like you do to me.

Of course, you don't drill me upfront. You attack me in a very passive aggressive way. Honestly, I wouldn't mind meeting if you planned them with objectives to cover. But you just insisted on me coming. Did you really just want me to appear to make you happy? Does it really satisfy you to make sure I appear? 

Forgive me for making these accusations, but I really can't help but feel that way. And I can't even object to anything because if I really do it'd end up like last year, and it'd become such a big issue that we can't even finish our project. 

So I force myself to calm down. I don't know when did I get so passive-aggressive, but trust me, it's so tiring. I try to suppress my emotions so much that I feel so suffocated. It really feels as though I can't breathe. The words are right at the tips of my tongue but I just can't let them out.

Probably you'd say now, why didn't you voice out when there was the formation of groups?

Because it was the current best choice. I couldn't afford to be selfish because too many people would be involved.

No, I'm not noble. I just went on with the hope that since we've worked together before, we would be okay. But of course, life isn't easy. I try to accommodate you as much as I can. Really. I know I'm not good in studies, so the best I can do is to contribute as much as I am able to. 

I'm sorry that I cannot reply to your "endearment calling" because it really isn't my style to be so "close" because I'd feel so hypocritical. I'm just trying to be true to my feelings in a cordial and subtle way. 

I'm sorry that I cannot empathise with you many times, because I don't have the same kind of experiences. I don't have a right to comment anything because I don't have a boyfriend so fine. 

Sometimes, I wonder, how do you say things just like that? Gosh, I've been hurt by your fucking insensitive words so many times. I pretend I'm okay, but seriously. I have pride too. You can't just assume that I'm okay with your comments just because I don't scold you back. 

I hate that I'm so fucking nice that it's even disgusting to me.

Why do I think for others so much?
Because it'd ruin the whole situation for everybody.

I wish I could just be all, fuck it all, but in reality, I can't. 

I keep telling myself, it's ust till next year. But I don't know if I could survive until then.  And then, I'd be out in the workforce and the fucking cycle would just repeat.

So many times I wish I could just stay away from civilisation. I'd rather just live in the hills, sitting on the grass, just gazing at the skies. But no. Of course NOT. Because this is reality. 

I can't be sweet, because I can't stand being fake. I'm not a liar, I can't lie to my own feelings. I can't be all, sweet and smiley with you if I'm uncomfortable with you. Yes, we'd be talking but I wouldn't be so sickeningly close to you. People like you are the kind of people that throw around sacred words like "I love you" too easily around. You say it for the sake of saying it, not because you actually mean it. I'm not one for mushy words, but I don't throw that kind of words around like that. I don't know about you, but to me, if you say words like that too often, it just loses it's meaning. 

I can't be bad either. I could swear while writing, but I can't really do so in speech thanks to my conscience. I wasn't brought up to swear. And I can't be all bitchy into people's face. I wish I could be like that.  I wish I could just express everything I feel without being afraid of feeling guilty for saying what I want to. 

I'm in a constant dilemma of what I am. To be honest, I really don't know what I am. I feel so tortured because of this bloody personality I have. 

Why do I have to be so fucking nice, and yet still suffer like this? Why do I torture myself like this?

I am seriously so screwed up.

I am losing sleep because of the war in my mind. I am constantly at war with myself, considering if I should be accommodating or actually be voicing out my opinions. 

Should I let my insecurities and demons cloud my mind, or should I try being positive again?

I really feel so suffocated.

I feel like I have many personalities. I am different with everyone. As people would say it, I am how you treat me. And of course, I have another personality while fangirling.

While many think that I'm really okay while fangirling, let me correct you. 

I laugh like a madwoman, because I'm trying to cover up my pain. 

Why should I let you see my pain, when you are only curious, and not concerned? Why should I let you see my vulnerable side and let you ridicule me? What right would you have? 

So I cover it up. 

I seem nonchalant, but everyday I'm fighting a war of my own. Just because I don't say anything or speak anything, it doesn't mean that I'm not thinking of anything. I just choose to keep quiet because I don't want to cause a war.

What's worse is that people always assume I'm angry just because I'm quiet and yet they can't detect when I actually am angry. Hilarious, isn't it? 

I just really.. give up on people. So don't blame me for being how I am.

Saturday, March 29, 2014


"Do you still like him?"
That was what my mum asked me just now.

Honestly.. I don't know.
Do I really miss him? Or do I miss my memories of him?
I'm really scared of meeting him because I know my resolve is weak. And I'll end up going to him.
It's not that he's really bad. I know he changed. It's just that I'm scared. .

I don't want to spend time figuring out what his gestures mean because everything is ambiguous.
I don't want to misunderstand his actions again because in the end I'll be the only one hurt.
I don't want to fall for his tricks again. I dont fall for words easily but with him I just really can't understand how easily I give in to him. It's crazy.

I try so hard not to think of you only go find out that I'm already thinking of you.
How are you? How is your family? Do you still play the guitar? Do you think of me?
I feel pathetic.
I can barely sleep because my thoughts would go to you
I dont know anymore, really. It hurts so much to think of you because the memories of us are so fresh in my head. Oh wait, there was no "us". Just me.
These days I just feel numb. I can't find excitement. That's why I drown myself in kpop. Hoping that I could drown in music. But what a bad choice. As I watch variety shows, I find traits of you in the idols I like.
As I try to avoid thoughts of you, you just appear in some way.
I'm tired of being like this... I need help but I don't even know what can help me anymore..

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

69 questions

I did this on tumblr, but I thought it'd be nice to post it here too, so here goes :)

1: Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?
* why not, i've been living that way all along.

2: Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused?
* somewhere in between heartbroken and confused.

3: What if I told you that you were pretty?
*ah, i don't really react well to compliments because i don't see myself that way, but i'd say thank you. :)

4: Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”?
* er.. i was the one who said it.

5: Are you interested in anyone right now?
* I don't really know. admire yes, but like-like.. i don't know.

6: What are you looking forward to in the next week?
* a possible meet up my secondary school friends? although nothing's confirmed haha.

7: Do you want to be single?
* I'm not sure on this one.. I want to be in a relationship and experience many things but looking at my friends make me want to stay single. Is that good or bad..

8: Did you go out or stay in last night?
* Homeeeeeeeeee.

9: How late did you stay up last night?
* 3am.

10: Can you recall the last time you realized you liked someone a lot?
* Yes. Probably because I still like him anyway.

11: Last three things you had to drink?
* Tea. (And more tea??)

12: Have you pretended to like someone?
* Oh my god yes.

13: Have you ever told somebody you loved them and not actually meant it?
* No. I don't even say these words often, because I believe that these words shouldn't be thrown around so easily..

14: Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months?
* Err. nope.

15: Is it hard for you to get over someone?
* Well, I still haven't really gotten over that person, so yes it's hard.

16: Think back five months ago, were you single?
* Yes duh.

17: What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon?
* Playing Wind Runner?? hahah!

18: Hold hands with anyone this week?
* My parents!

19: Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?
* Well, i'm a muslim, so definitely yes!

20: What would you name your future daughter?
* Hmm. Haven't really thought of it!

21: Do you miss anyone?
* Yes. Mainly my friends from secondary school!

22: Have you kissed three or more people in one night?
* Nope.

23: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?
* Nope.

24: Are you good at hiding your feelings?
* To my friends, yes. But my mum, no.

25: Have you ever cried from being so mad?
* Yes..

26: Who did you last see in person?
* I have no idea.

27: Are you listening to music right now?
* Yesssssssssssssssss

28: What is something you currently want right now?
* Food!

29: What is the last thing you said out lot?
* "omo!"

30: How is your heart lately?
* I don't know. these past years I just feel numb.

31: Do you wear the hood on your hoodie?
* Yeah. When my hair's in a mess or when I'm running in the rain.

32: Are you wearing socks?
* Nah.

33: What do people call you?
* Nina.

34: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?
* I would, but it's been too long since we last talked properly..

35: Are there any stressful situations in your life?
* Too many, but I'll survive.

36: Who did you last share a bed with?
* My mum, because I currently have no room. .____.

37: Did you do something bad today?
* Well. To my mum, staying up late is bad, so yeah.

38: When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you?
* I'm a little conservative regarding skinship, so I don't think I've hugged anyone of the opposite gender aside from my dad :O

39: Do you get stressed out easily?
* Yeah kinda.

40: Will you sing today?
* Definitely.

41: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t?
* Too many times.

42: Who do you go to when you need to talk to someone?
* My mum but sometimes I'd rather keep to myself.

43: Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance?
* Nope.

44: What are you listening to right now?
* Come Back Home - 2NE1
Come back homeeeeeeeee can you come back homeeeeeeee

45: What is wrong with you right now?
* I feel so empty and lost. I don't know what I'm doing with my life.

46: What is on your wrists right now?
* Nothing.

47: Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wearing?
* Er.. SB Orange Day? Something like faculty shirt. Business school yaw.

48: What do you like better: hot chocolate or hot apple cider?
* Hot choco!

49: Do you make wishes at 11:11?
* Not really because I tend to miss them haha.

50: Are you a good artist?
* Nope, but i'm into typography.

51: Love really is a beautiful thing huh?
* I haven't been in a relationship but I've read stories. I guess it depends on perspective?

52: Do you miss the way things were six months ago?
* Nah.

53: Ever been on a golf cart?
* Nope.

54: Do you have trust issues?
* A little bit. I tend to trust too easily.

55: Ever stayed up all night on the phone, with who?
* All night.. I don't think so. Unless until 3am is considered? Sam.

56: Do you own something from Hot Topic?
* Nada.

57: Do you use chap stick?
* I have no idea what this is.

58: Have you ever slapped someone in the face?
* Nope.

59: Do you have a little sister?
* Nope. Only child.

60: Have you ever been to New York?
*  Nope! too far away.

61: Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?
* My mum. I know she does haha.

62: Have you hugged someone within the last week?
* Momsy dear.

63: What were you doing at midnight last night?
* Decorating my organiser!

64: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?
* Welllllllll I haven't kissed anyone aside from my parents.

65: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?
* Always.. Sadly, I don't think so. Everyone gives me heartache. Or do I get hurt too easily? I don't know.

66: Were your last three kisses from the same person?
* Yeah.

67: Have you kissed anyone in the last five days?
* Nope.. Similarly to saying "I love you", I don't really show signs of affection often. :/

68: Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?
* Alone.

69: Will next Friday be a good one?
* I dont know. The meeting would be on Friday, because it's our secondary school's anniversary. It depends if he's there or not. It could easily be bad. If he's not there I'm safe. If he is.. So much can happen. And I don't know if it's good or bad..

Saturday, March 1, 2014

b r e a t h

숨소리 (Breath)_by TaeYeon & JONGHYUN

나도 모르게 전화기를 들고 말았어 나야… 참 오랜만이야
너무 힘이 들어서 잡기도 미안해서 너를 보낸 게… 후회돼서 한숨만 쉬는걸

너무 놀라서 말이 나오지도 않았어 떨리는 가슴만 붙잡았어
많이 힘든지 지금 어디 있는지 묻기도 전에 눈물이 흘렀어
네 숨소리만 들려도 그래

*눈물이 이렇게 흘러내리면 아끼던 내 작은 추억들마저도 어쩔 줄 몰라
너무 아파서 서로 놓아주길 약속했지만
자신 없을 때, 가끔 숨소리라도 들려주길

숨을 쉬는 게 매일 눈을 뜨는 게 겨우 하루를 사는 게
죽는 것 보다 힘이 든다고 네게 말을 못했어
걱정할 것 같아서.. 바보처럼 한숨만 쉬는 걸


하고픈 말이 많아도 난 아무 말도 못 하고… 다 괜찮다고 서로를 달래고 아파했어
다 되돌리면 우린 행복하기만 했어 놓지 못하고 있어

눈물이 이렇게 흘러내리면 아끼던 내 작은 추억들마저도 어쩔 줄 몰라
너무 아파서 서로 놓아주길 약속했지만
자꾸 네가 생각 날 땐…
참을 수 없이 힘들 땐…

이렇게라도 가끔 숨소리라도 들려주길

Without even knowing, I was holding the phone
"It’s me, it’s been a long time"
Because it was so hard, because I felt bad if I held you back
Because I regret letting you go, I just let out a sigh

Because I was so surprised, I couldn’t speak.
I was holding on to my trembling heart.
Are you struggling a lot? Where are you?
Before I could even ask, tears fell down.
Just by hearing the sound of your breath

*When tears fall
Even my smallest cherished memories
Don’t know what to do
Because it hurt so much
we promised to let each other go
but whenever I’m not sure I can do it
please let me hear at least your breath

Breathing, opening my eyes every day,
barely getting through each day
I couldn’t tell you that those things were harder than dying
In case you would get worried so like a fool
I just let out a sigh

Repeat *

There was so much I wanted to say
But I couldn’t say anything
We said that we were okay
comforting each other in pain
When I look back, we were only happy,
we haven’t let each other go

When tears fall
Even my smallest cherished memories
don’t know what to do
Because it hurt so much,
we promised to let each other go
When I keep thinking about you…
When it’s so hard that I can’t take it…
Please let me hear at least your breath 

呼吸 (Breath)_by CHEN & Zhang Li Yin (CHN ver.)

想你 多久没见过你
远去的 窒息忧伤
又系在 我的心上
一个人叹息 后悔让你走

是突然袭来 那个问候 心都在颤抖
交集 心中的话被枷锁
想问你那边天气 难过的心情
隐藏的关心 早已被泪看透
只听听呼吸 最好的安慰

这样继续 回忆也不能安慰
我不停流泪 曾经约定好
如果分手离别 再不能相见
受伤的时候 偶尔一次让我 听听你呼吸

艰难喘息着 没有你的每天
心疲惫不堪 还要继续着明天
害怕你心痛 对你隐瞒着一切
拼命想你 以为你会知道

Repeat *

再多的话语 能否回到最初
在心痛 如果能回到 那段幸福
拉紧你的手 我不会轻易放手

这样继续 回忆也不能安慰
我不停流泪 曾经约定好
如果分手离别 再不能相见
每个瞬间 不停想你
让疲惫累到 无法承受…
受伤的时候 偶尔…
一次让我 听听你呼吸

I can’t suppress missing you
I called you
Thinking of you, how long it’s been since I’ve seen you
The suffocating sadness that was far away is in my heart again
The initial letting go
Sighing by myself, regretting letting you go

It was that greeting that came out of nowhere, my heart was trembling
The words that mixed in my heart are chained
Wanting to ask you about the weather on that side, sorrowful feelings
The hidden concern was already seen through by the tears early on
Just listen to your breathing, the best comfort

*Touching you
Look at my tears’ tenderness
If this continues the memories cannot comfort
My tears flow endlessly, we previously agreed
if we break up, then we cannot meet again
When you are hurting, occasionally let me listen to your breathing

It’s hard to breath in every day that I don’t have you
I still do not agree to open my eyes
My heart is exhausted having to continue to tomorrow
Afraid of hurting your heart, I hide everything from you
I desperately think of you, thinking that you will know

Repeat *

There’s too much that I want to say to you
Why am I silent now
No matter how many words there are, can it return to the beginning?
If hurting more means we can return to that piece of happiness
Pulling your hand tightly, I will not let you go easily

Touching you
Looking at my tears’ tenderness
If this continues the memories cannot comfort
My tears flow endlessly, we previously agreed
if we break up, then we cannot meet again
Every moment, thinking of you endlessly…
Letting exhaustion tire me until I can’t endure it…
When you are hurting, occasionally let me listen to your breathing

Sunday, February 16, 2014


When I Was… When U Were… (좋았던 건, 아팠던 건) 
S.M. The Ballad ; F(KRYSTAL) + CHEN(EXO)

많은 걸 바란 건 아냐
늘 곁에 있었던 건
너의 말투 미소가
날 웃게 만들었지 언제나,
그런 네가 싫지 않았어

그랬니 나는 몰랐어
항상 귀찮은 듯 웃어서
내 눈을 바라봐 진심이니?
가끔은 나도 모르게
무뚝뚝한 네가 떠올라
이런 내 맘 설레는
내가 이상해 Woo..

한 계절 두 계절 지나,
1년이 다 돼가도
잊혀지지가 않는 건
늘 재잘거리던 날 보면서
새어 나온 네 웃음소리

그랬니 나는 몰랐어
언제나 답답해 했잖아
늘 뾰로통한 너 귀여웠지
가끔은 나도 모르게
귓가에 네 목소리 들려
귀를 막아보아도
소용없는걸 Woo..

어떻게 지내?,
내가 먼저 물을게
난…, 너무 잘 지내
거짓말 마, 나.. 다 알
수는 없겠지만 서로를

난 말야, 좋았었어
너와 나 서로 아꼈던
난 말야, 아플거야
계절이 수없이 지나가도
그래도 괜찮아,
그래도 괜찮아 Woo…

I didn’t want much,
you were always by my side
The way you talk and your smile always made me smile
I didn’t hate it

Really? I didn’t know because you always smiled as if you were a little annoyed
Look at my eyes, do you mean it?
Sometimes, without even knowing, I think of the cold you
It’s strange how my heart races

One season, two seasons pass and it’s been a year
But the thing I can’t forget
Is the sound of your laugh whenever I talked

Really? I didn’t know because you were always frustrated with me
You were always pouting and mad, it was so cute
Sometimes, without even knowing, I hear your voice in my ears. 
I try to cover my ears but it’s no use

How have you been? I’ll ask first
I’m… doing really well
Stop lying
Although we don’t know everything about each other…

For me, it was good. 
How we used to care for each other
For me, it’ll be painful
Even when the seasons
endlessly change
But it’s alright, but it’s alright

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

첫 눈

Note: I have 2 versions because... they're all too cute hahaha ^^

첫 눈 - EXO (Korean Ver.)
첫눈 오는 이런 오후에
너에게 전화를 걸
수만 있다면 기쁠텐데
벌써 일년이 지났는데 난
아직 미련 가득해서 “쓸
쓸해” 어느새 혼잣말

(시계를 되돌려) 1년
전으로 갈 수 있다면
(마음을 되돌려)
지금 우린 달라졌을까
yeah 바보 같은 소리지,
그래도 만약

너를 만나면 눈물 차 올라
바보 같은 난 아무 말 못해
말해줘 메리 메리 크리스마스,
안녕 잘 지내는거지
눈이 내리면 멍든 가슴이
모두 하얗게 다 덮여지게 될까

미안해 잘해주지 못해
후회만 가득 가득 했던,
그 크리스마스

불빛 가득한 거리
거리 혼자 걸었어.
다들 행복해 보여
너는 언제나 공기처럼
있어줄 거란 착각에,
멍청히 보내,
내가 너무 미안해

(너무 흔한 얘기) 지나고
나면 너무 소중해
(항상 지나치지) 왜
그때는 모르는 걸까
지금은 다를 거야 말해주고파

너를 만나면 눈물 차 올라
바보 같은 난 아무 말 못해
말해줘 메리 메리 크리스마스,
안녕 잘 지내는거지
눈이 내리면 멍든 가슴이
모두 하얗게 다 덮여지게 될까

눈물인지 눈 때문인지
점점 너 멀리 멀리 보이던,
그 크리스마스

정말 신기한 일이야 너의
생각만으로 눈물 차 흐르니
말야 Tears are falling, falling, falling
다시 너에게로 가고 싶어
무슨 일이든 할 수 있어
지금까지 삶이 모두
사라진다 해도 Girl

너를 만나면 눈물 차 올라
바보 같은 난 아무 말 못해
말해줘 메리 메리 크리스마스,
안녕 잘 지내는거지
Baby girl ooh- yeah-
눈이 내리면 멍든 가슴이
모두 하얗게 다 덮여지게 될까

미안해 잘해주지 못해
후회만 가득 가득 했던,

너를 만나면 눈물 차 올라
(눈물 차 올라)
(바보 같은 난)아무 말 못해
(아무 말 못하는 나 인걸)
메리 메리 크리스마스,
잘 지내는거지
눈이 내리면 멍든 가슴이
모두 하얗게 다 덮여지게 될까

눈물인지 눈 때문인지
점점 너 멀리 멀리 보이던,
그 크리스마스

On this afternoon as the first snow is falling
If only I could call you, I’d be so happy
A year has already passed but I'm still not over you
So I talk to myself, “I'm lonely”

(Turn back the clock)
if only I could go back one year
(Turn back my heart)
would we be different now?
Yeah, it’s a stupid thought,
but still, what if

If I met you, would tears rise up?
The foolish me wouldn’t be able to say anything 
Tell me, Merry Merry Christmas
Hi, how have you been?
When the snow falls, would mybruised heart get covered whitely?

I’m sorry I didn’t treat you well
That Christmas I was only filled with regrets

I walked alone on a street filled with lights,
everyone looks happy
I used to think you would always be there like air
But I foolishly let you go,
I’m so sorry

(Such a typical story) 
After time passed, the fact that you’re so precious
(It always passes by) 
Why didn’t I know back then? 
I want to tell you that it’s different now

If I met you, would tears rise up?
The foolish me wouldn't be able to say anything 
Tell me, Merry Merry Christmas
Hi, how have you been?
When the snow falls, would my bruised heart get covered whitely?

Is it tears or is it because of the snow? 
That Christmas, I kept seeing you get farther away

It’s so strange, just thinking of you makes tears fall
Tears are falling falling falling
I want to go back to you
I can do anything
Even if all of my life till now disappears girl

If I met you, would tears rise up?
The foolish me wouldn’t be able to say anything 
Tell me, Merry Merry Christmas
Hi, how have you been?
Baby girl ooh- yeah-
When the snow falls, would my bruised heart get covered whitely?

I’m sorry I didn’t treat you well
I was only filled with regrets

If I met you, would tears rise up? (tears rise up)
Can’t say anything (I can’t say anything)
Tell me, Merry Merry Christmas,
Hi, how have you been?
When the snow falls, would my bruised heart get covered whitely?

Is it tears or is it because of the snow? 
That Christmas, I kept seeing you get farther away

Monday, February 3, 2014


hello hello hello! :D
Happy lunar new year! 새해 복 많이 받으세요! 新年快乐!

I hope anyone who's reading this will be healthy in this year of the Horse! :)
Hmm it's now February..
Let's see.
I cut my hair. (It's now shoulder length)
And coloured it. (it's supposed to be reddish but it's only obvious in the light. oh well it's better than previously so no complains)
but emotionally.. I'm still stuck here.

No I'm not gonna make this another emo post.
I'm just lost at what I should be doing.
You see, I want to be happy, and this time I DO want to do something about it.
I just don't know what.
"I’m lonely. What kind of loneliness? Every kind. I feel disconnected. Abandoned. As always. Repetition. So what, my love? So what? At first, I just wanted to run away. Now I have no where else to run to, nothing to run from. I don’t belong anywhere, I don’t want to go anywhere, I just want to be happy."
Daul Kim
Yep. That.
I want to be happy.

I deserve that much, right?

Lately I feel that all my smiles are  half-hearted.
Not that it isn't genuine, but it just doesn't touch me. 
I just feel that I'm doing things for the sake of doing it.
Ugh what is wrong with me..
I don't want to be carrying this negative energy around all the time.
It's tiring. 

Being contented is okay, but it's just okay
Weren't we sent here for a reason?

Maybe I should stop now.. 
It's waaaaay past my bedtime and I'm prolly not thinking straight anymore.
Goodnight yeoreobun!