sad story

lately my moods have been crazy.
sometimes i feel like someone with depression.
i dont know.
my mind has been crazy.
memories rushing back, despite that barrier i've tried so hard to built.
i dont even know what's the cause of it.

you, you and you.
i guess, i miss you more in my memory rather than now, so i guess that's pretty alright.
as for you, still so many more days till you come back.
sigh.
i think many people would be really surprised that we're still in contact.
especially so since i've lost contact with THEM.
i hope this is a good thing, eh.
you.
i've always thought you were different, but it seems to me you're just like everyone else.
you judge me because of her?
really, you have to avoid talking to me because of her too?
isn't that too much?
yes, she hurt you.
but, i didnt.
i really hoped you were different.
you're nice, but.
i dont know you anymore.
or maybe, i never knew you, in the first place..
sigh.

so.
prom's over.
gah, shouldnt have went.
felt so out of place even though there were so many friends there.
sigh.

oh well.
then there was red camp!
oh dayum. it was awesome.
i'll post up a picture later on a seperate post because i might crash this one.
HEE.
VIKINGS CHAE CHA LA GA!
lovely people there!
so that's over...

hmm, next up was choir bbq cum farewell.
well.
it wasn't as i expected, but wonderful nonetheless.
nyehehehe, hugged ms ong and talked to her.
i wanna go czech republic!!!!
really hope i can make it next year!
*crosses fingers*
anyway.
last year, i'd always thought that i'd cry during farewell.
well, obviously, things changed this year.
so i didn't.
not because of the choir, but i guess it's just me.
gah.
though i expected Fadhilah to cry (heh), i dont know.
looking at her...
gives me a wave of sadness.
maybe because i've always had this feeling that i'm not doing enough to keep them strong and together?
no offense, but sometimes, when i hear of their progress, i feel as though i've failed them and ms ong in a way.
maybe i was the one who made them dependant on me?
i really have no idea.
oh well.
looking at the attendance of the sec 1s makes me faint.
sigh.
when i was sec 1, things were so different.
sometimes, i can't help but wonder if we changed everything.
or is it really because of the generation gap?
*shakes head*
aiyoh.
the choir makes me sad these days.
i want to go back to hype things up but conscience fells me, "You've already graduated, dumbo."
then i'm brought back to reality.
which is. painful.
singing with the choir is now a different feeling.
i dont really know if it's a good or bad thing.
mmm.
it's a totally different atmosphere.
sigh.
anyway.
next week, i'll be performing at my dad's xmas party.
currently, i honestly have no idea HOW to change my singing style when i've already done so for 4 years.
what to do.
*sigh*
but at least i'll have things to do.
so i won't have time to overthink.
the week after is wayne's xmas party.
that one, i'm part of the planning comm.
but i don't even know if i can go. ._.
i want to.
after all, i know i'm going poly, so that's pretty much a farewell thingy to wayne and certain schoolmates.
well, wayne DOES have many students from AI.
hope i can go; i already have an idea for the present for xchange!
._.
so much hope this time.

please come true okay?