s t u p i d

i miss you.

there. i said it.

i can't avoid it anymore. but then again, what right do i have to miss you? you were never mine.. maybe almost, but that never happened.

when i saw that picture.. i just don't know what to say. i don't know why but i felt your pain. well, i did see kimex before after all.. but that's not the point. the point is, why does it hurt when you're hurting?

So many people told me to let go. i know i should. but i can't. i don't know why i'm so affected by you. maybe because i had met you with no other thoughts in my mind? because after secondary school, i can't help but feel wary around guys. and i'm not even lying. i place a "stay-away-from-me" sign all the time. i can't get rid of this self defense mechanism. sometimes, i don't understand why was i so hurt. then i remembered. i hate being kept in the dark. in other words, i hate liars. the feeling of being kept in the dark is the worst. everyone knows but you.

you were the only person who had good chemistry with me. it was so peculiar. i mean, it came so naturally. and it hurts to think of how our friendship distanced. maybe it was me keeping my distance? maybe you did too? i don't know.

is there no more words that we can exchange?

the last time i saw you was at  AI, teachers' day. i glanced at you the same time you did the same. or was it my imagination? if it was then let me pretend that was what happened. i saw you and then you immediately looked away..? what is the meaning of that then? why did you have to look away? you talked to them but me you avoided. i did the same. or was it because you thought i avoided that's why you did that?

this is so stupid, it's like playing hide and seek. i want so badly to talk to you but i can't bring myself to do it. why, you may ask. simple. Fear. i dont't know how would you take it. i can't read your mind anymore, 재.. you blocked me out the last time and i don't know how to talk to you already..

why..? why have we become like this..?
왜..