so just walk away

It's today.
Achievement day.
and i'm not there.
the first time i'm not there.
I'm actually in school right now.
SP.
Well at least i'm with my vt friends..
I had to draw the key or else there's no venue for the kids and I'll be in trouble.
pains of being the secretary.
aka part time manager.
at least I can be a personal assistant in future. ^^
or a secretary too.
well. they ARE similar right? keke.

honestly, I wanted to be there but..
I realised that there isn't any reason to be there anymore.
The place is probably still the same but..
things have changed.
well firstly, I bet nobody will know me from choir.
I feel guilty towards ms ong.
I was the one who promised her i'd be back to help out.
but where am I now?
each time I want to go back everything holds me back.
my mum, my conscience, timing.
secondly teachers...
um like awkward?
I guess the problem lies with me.
though I hate to admit it, I guess I've changed.
it used to be so easy to joke with them but now I feel like I need to hide from people.
GOSH WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.
I really became an introvert huh..
thirdly, it's probably better if I don't go back because I might see _____...
like...

yup.
I'm probably being a coward but really.
after everything, I don't think I can face him.
and it's not like I did anything wrong.
I just don't think I can handle all the emotions.
even without seeing him, the emotions are overwhelming.
what about seeing him?
I might end up in IMH for real.

CONSCIENCE
Gosh girl.
it's been what, 5 years?
don't be stupid.
why do you do this to yourself, why?
it's NOT worth it.
HE let you go.
why do you blame yourself?
why torture yourself?

바보야..