Friday, May 22, 2015


After 3 years of turmoil..
I am finally done with poly!!!

Tadaa here's a shot with the diploma and grad robe!

Featuring the family :D We look like we're shooting a commercial for Darlie or something LOL?



In all honesty, I'm not too sure if I want to be happy about graduating lol.

On one hand, I'm happy that I don't have to deal with some of the people that I know. Tbh I already felt detached during the last semester and even more detached during intern.

I really hate saying this, but I really don't fit in anywhere lol. I guess, it's my fault somehow?

I realise that people who know me in poly and from secondary school would have totally different impressions of me. In poly, I seem to act even more like a bitch? Lol, i'm really not like that. Not saying that I'm an angel or whatever, but I really don't have the energy for that kind of drama.

Then again, there's always people who will judge you first, so... there really isn't any difference.

I dont want to graduate because as of now I don't think I'm ready to face the world. And I am also sick of people asking me what are my future plans.

The usual stereotype is to go to a University.

The moment I say, "I'm prolly going to work first." People are like, "Aren't you going to try for a Uni?"

In the first place, I'm embarrassed to say this (and i do regret it lol) that my results really aren't good, so I won't be able to make it even in to uni.

Most of my friends are entering uni.

It's a lie if I said I wasn't pressured. I am.

I'm not stressed about entering uni.I feel pressured because I feel like I have to conform to everyone's stereotypes. Just because I'm not going to uni it means I don't know what to do with my life? Bullshit.

Excuse me, but I know what I want. (Believe it or not, people are going to judge me again.)

I want to be an Artiste Manager.

No, it's not because of kpop. While that makes up 5% of the reason why, I've wanted to pursue something in this line for a very long time.

I've been musically influenced by my parents since I was young since they had worked in a record company before, I was in the choir for 4 years, and an a ca pella group for around 2 years.
Is it still surprising after knowing this?

I am fully aware that this isn't going to be a job that pays well. And I'm prepared. Reason being, I'm not after money in the first place.

Ever since I was young, I vowed to myself to find a job that I like and not something because of money.

Last year, I read a book called Unleash Your Dreams, written by Michael E. Silverman. Basically it's a motivational book. Though I didn't manage to read it thoroughly, I managed to sift through some insightful parts.

"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you're doing, you'll be successful."

I totally agree. I cannot imagine myself doing something I hate just because I need to pay the bills. I know I won't be able to last long in that case.

I guess it's safe to say that this book really did manage to put some confidence in me because I became even clearer of what I want.

But, as life is, there are always obstacles.

I understand my parents, I really do. But I hate that they say they support me but passively try to dissuade me at the same time. I feel betrayed. You said you believe in me, but you don't even trust me.

As mentioned earlier on, many of my friends are entering uni. Seeing that I'm not applying for any, I guess my mum is nervous? I'm pretty aware of what I'm doing, but sometimes her distrust makes me doubt myself.

I always mention that taking up triple science in sec 3 was my biggest regret. After reading the book, I discovered why I always didn't do well. I ended up taking triple science because it was what I should have taken since I was eligible. I tried to fool myself into thinking that I would be able to cope whatever would be coming. I was of course, wrong. So, very wrong. At that juncture, I had already decided to go to a poly, but I still chose triple science. Right now, you ought to think I was a fool. I was.

In any case, I don't want to make a second mistake. This time, it involves money. University fees are no joke. Even if I use my parent's cpf, I would eventually still have to pay back; interest included. I don't want to take something for the sake of getting a degree. I know my style of studying. You can say that I'm very selective. I will study for the things I like. Who wouldn't? I want to take something that I won't get sick of even if it's studying for a test.

As of right now, I have a few choices. I actually considered Laselle College of Arts. They have the degree course that I want, but the fees are.. out of my league. So that's a no.

The other choice is to work, and then study abroad. I wanted to use this option now, but yet again, I have limited finances. I do plan to go Korea to study since I wish to work in that field, so it would be in a relevant context. The tuition fees there are slightly cheaper, but I would require a visa and guarantor.

All this thinking is giving me a headache lol. But in any case, I'm pretty sure of the second option for now, unless another path opens up for me.

I know I shouldn't let people's opinions get to me, but I really hate knowing that they feel I don't know what to do with my life? Ironically, I feel that I'm clearer than they'll ever be lol.

I swear, if anyone is going to ask me again about my future, please listen to this song.

Seriously, these songs expresses my feelings exactly right now.

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