졸업

After 3 years of turmoil..
I am finally done with poly!!!

Tadaa here's a shot with the diploma and grad robe!

Featuring the family :D We look like we're shooting a commercial for Darlie or something LOL?

Anyway.

YAS IT'S FINALLY OVER.

In all honesty, I'm not too sure if I want to be happy about graduating lol.

On one hand, I'm happy that I don't have to deal with some of the people that I know. Tbh I already felt detached during the last semester and even more detached during intern.

I really hate saying this, but I really don't fit in anywhere lol. I guess, it's my fault somehow?

I realise that people who know me in poly and from secondary school would have totally different impressions of me. In poly, I seem to act even more like a bitch? Lol, i'm really not like that. Not saying that I'm an angel or whatever, but I really don't have the energy for that kind of drama.

Then again, there's always people who will judge you first, so... there really isn't any difference.

I dont want to graduate because as of now I don't think I'm ready to face the world. And I am also sick of people asking me what are my future plans.

The usual stereotype is to go to a University.

The moment I say, "I'm prolly going to work first." People are like, "Aren't you going to try for a Uni?"

In the first place, I'm embarrassed to say this (and i do regret it lol) that my results really aren't good, so I won't be able to make it even in to uni.

Most of my friends are entering uni.

It's a lie if I said I wasn't pressured. I am.

I'm not stressed about entering uni.I feel pressured because I feel like I have to conform to everyone's stereotypes. Just because I'm not going to uni it means I don't know what to do with my life? Bullshit.

Excuse me, but I know what I want. (Believe it or not, people are going to judge me again.)

I want to be an Artiste Manager.

No, it's not because of kpop. While that makes up 5% of the reason why, I've wanted to pursue something in this line for a very long time.

I've been musically influenced by my parents since I was young since they had worked in a record company before, I was in the choir for 4 years, and an a ca pella group for around 2 years.
Is it still surprising after knowing this?

I am fully aware that this isn't going to be a job that pays well. And I'm prepared. Reason being, I'm not after money in the first place.

Ever since I was young, I vowed to myself to find a job that I like and not something because of money.

Last year, I read a book called Unleash Your Dreams, written by Michael E. Silverman. Basically it's a motivational book. Though I didn't manage to read it thoroughly, I managed to sift through some insightful parts.

"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you're doing, you'll be successful."

I totally agree. I cannot imagine myself doing something I hate just because I need to pay the bills. I know I won't be able to last long in that case.

I guess it's safe to say that this book really did manage to put some confidence in me because I became even clearer of what I want.

But, as life is, there are always obstacles.

I understand my parents, I really do. But I hate that they say they support me but passively try to dissuade me at the same time. I feel betrayed. You said you believe in me, but you don't even trust me.

As mentioned earlier on, many of my friends are entering uni. Seeing that I'm not applying for any, I guess my mum is nervous? I'm pretty aware of what I'm doing, but sometimes her distrust makes me doubt myself.

I always mention that taking up triple science in sec 3 was my biggest regret. After reading the book, I discovered why I always didn't do well. I ended up taking triple science because it was what I should have taken since I was eligible. I tried to fool myself into thinking that I would be able to cope whatever would be coming. I was of course, wrong. So, very wrong. At that juncture, I had already decided to go to a poly, but I still chose triple science. Right now, you ought to think I was a fool. I was.

In any case, I don't want to make a second mistake. This time, it involves money. University fees are no joke. Even if I use my parent's cpf, I would eventually still have to pay back; interest included. I don't want to take something for the sake of getting a degree. I know my style of studying. You can say that I'm very selective. I will study for the things I like. Who wouldn't? I want to take something that I won't get sick of even if it's studying for a test.

As of right now, I have a few choices. I actually considered Laselle College of Arts. They have the degree course that I want, but the fees are.. out of my league. So that's a no.

The other choice is to work, and then study abroad. I wanted to use this option now, but yet again, I have limited finances. I do plan to go Korea to study since I wish to work in that field, so it would be in a relevant context. The tuition fees there are slightly cheaper, but I would require a visa and guarantor.

All this thinking is giving me a headache lol. But in any case, I'm pretty sure of the second option for now, unless another path opens up for me.

I know I shouldn't let people's opinions get to me, but I really hate knowing that they feel I don't know what to do with my life? Ironically, I feel that I'm clearer than they'll ever be lol.

I swear, if anyone is going to ask me again about my future, please listen to this song.



Seriously, these songs expresses my feelings exactly right now.

b r e a t h

숨소리 (Breath)_by TaeYeon & JONGHYUN
나도 모르게 전화기를 들고 말았어 나야… 참 오랜만이야
너무 힘이 들어서 잡기도 미안해서 너를 보낸 게… 후회돼서 한숨만 쉬는걸

너무 놀라서 말이 나오지도 않았어 떨리는 가슴만 붙잡았어
많이 힘든지 지금 어디 있는지 묻기도 전에 눈물이 흘렀어
네 숨소리만 들려도 그래

*눈물이 이렇게 흘러내리면 아끼던 내 작은 추억들마저도 어쩔 줄 몰라
너무 아파서 서로 놓아주길 약속했지만
자신 없을 때, 가끔 숨소리라도 들려주길

숨을 쉬는 게 매일 눈을 뜨는 게 겨우 하루를 사는 게
죽는 것 보다 힘이 든다고 네게 말을 못했어
걱정할 것 같아서.. 바보처럼 한숨만 쉬는 걸

*Repeat

하고픈 말이 많아도 난 아무 말도 못 하고… 다 괜찮다고 서로를 달래고 아파했어
다 되돌리면 우린 행복하기만 했어 놓지 못하고 있어

눈물이 이렇게 흘러내리면 아끼던 내 작은 추억들마저도 어쩔 줄 몰라
너무 아파서 서로 놓아주길 약속했지만
자꾸 네가 생각 날 땐…
참을 수 없이 힘들 땐…

이렇게라도 가끔 숨소리라도 들려주길

Translation
Without even knowing, I was holding the phone
"It’s me, it’s been a long time"
Because it was so hard, because I felt bad if I held you back
Because I regret letting you go, I just let out a sigh

Because I was so surprised, I couldn’t speak.
I was holding on to my trembling heart.
Are you struggling a lot? Where are you?
Before I could even ask, tears fell down.
Just by hearing the sound of your breath

*When tears fall
Even my smallest cherished memories
Don’t know what to do
Because it hurt so much
we promised to let each other go
but whenever I’m not sure I can do it
please let me hear at least your breath

Breathing, opening my eyes every day,
barely getting through each day
I couldn’t tell you that those things were harder than dying
In case you would get worried so like a fool
I just let out a sigh

Repeat *

There was so much I wanted to say
But I couldn’t say anything
We said that we were okay
comforting each other in pain
When I look back, we were only happy,
we haven’t let each other go

When tears fall
Even my smallest cherished memories
don’t know what to do
Because it hurt so much,
we promised to let each other go
When I keep thinking about you…
When it’s so hard that I can’t take it…
Please let me hear at least your breath 




呼吸 (Breath)_by CHEN & Zhang Li Yin (CHN ver.)

我压抑不住思念着你
拨通了电话
想你 多久没见过你
远去的 窒息忧伤
又系在 我的心上
当初的放手
一个人叹息 后悔让你走

是突然袭来 那个问候 心都在颤抖
交集 心中的话被枷锁
想问你那边天气 难过的心情
隐藏的关心 早已被泪看透
只听听呼吸 最好的安慰

*触摸你
看着我泪流的温柔
这样继续 回忆也不能安慰
我不停流泪 曾经约定好
如果分手离别 再不能相见
受伤的时候 偶尔一次让我 听听你呼吸

艰难喘息着 没有你的每天
我还不愿意睁开眼
心疲惫不堪 还要继续着明天
害怕你心痛 对你隐瞒着一切
拼命想你 以为你会知道

Repeat *

想对你说的想太多
为什么现在却沉默
再多的话语 能否回到最初
在心痛 如果能回到 那段幸福
拉紧你的手 我不会轻易放手

触摸你
看着我泪流的温柔
这样继续 回忆也不能安慰
我不停流泪 曾经约定好
如果分手离别 再不能相见
每个瞬间 不停想你
让疲惫累到 无法承受…
受伤的时候 偶尔…
一次让我 听听你呼吸

I can’t suppress missing you
I called you
Thinking of you, how long it’s been since I’ve seen you
The suffocating sadness that was far away is in my heart again
The initial letting go
Sighing by myself, regretting letting you go

It was that greeting that came out of nowhere, my heart was trembling
The words that mixed in my heart are chained
Wanting to ask you about the weather on that side, sorrowful feelings
The hidden concern was already seen through by the tears early on
Just listen to your breathing, the best comfort

*Touching you
Look at my tears’ tenderness
If this continues the memories cannot comfort
My tears flow endlessly, we previously agreed
if we break up, then we cannot meet again
When you are hurting, occasionally let me listen to your breathing

It’s hard to breath in every day that I don’t have you
I still do not agree to open my eyes
My heart is exhausted having to continue to tomorrow
Afraid of hurting your heart, I hide everything from you
I desperately think of you, thinking that you will know

Repeat *

There’s too much that I want to say to you
Why am I silent now
No matter how many words there are, can it return to the beginning?
If hurting more means we can return to that piece of happiness
Pulling your hand tightly, I will not let you go easily

Touching you
Looking at my tears’ tenderness
If this continues the memories cannot comfort
My tears flow endlessly, we previously agreed
if we break up, then we cannot meet again
Every moment, thinking of you endlessly…
Letting exhaustion tire me until I can’t endure it…
When you are hurting, occasionally let me listen to your breathing

pain

When I Was… When U Were… (좋았던 건, 아팠던 건)  S.M. The Ballad ; F(KRYSTAL) + CHEN(EXO)

Lyrics
많은 걸 바란 건 아냐
늘 곁에 있었던 건
너의 말투 미소가
날 웃게 만들었지 언제나,
그런 네가 싫지 않았어

그랬니 나는 몰랐어
항상 귀찮은 듯 웃어서
내 눈을 바라봐 진심이니?
가끔은 나도 모르게
무뚝뚝한 네가 떠올라
이런 내 맘 설레는
내가 이상해 Woo..

한 계절 두 계절 지나,
1년이 다 돼가도
잊혀지지가 않는 건
늘 재잘거리던 날 보면서
새어 나온 네 웃음소리

그랬니 나는 몰랐어
언제나 답답해 했잖아
늘 뾰로통한 너 귀여웠지
가끔은 나도 모르게
귓가에 네 목소리 들려
귀를 막아보아도
소용없는걸 Woo..

어떻게 지내?,
내가 먼저 물을게
난…, 너무 잘 지내
거짓말 마, 나.. 다 알
수는 없겠지만 서로를

난 말야, 좋았었어
너와 나 서로 아꼈던
난 말야, 아플거야
계절이 수없이 지나가도
그래도 괜찮아,
그래도 괜찮아 Woo…

Translation

I didn’t want much,
you were always by my side
The way you talk and your smile always made me smile
I didn’t hate it

Really? I didn’t know because you always smiled as if you were a little annoyed
Look at my eyes, do you mean it?
Sometimes, without even knowing, I think of the cold you
It’s strange how my heart races

One season, two seasons pass and it’s been a year
But the thing I can’t forget
Is the sound of your laugh whenever I talked

Really? I didn’t know because you were always frustrated with me
You were always pouting and mad, it was so cute
Sometimes, without even knowing, I hear your voice in my ears. 

I try to cover my ears but it’s no use

How have you been? I’ll ask first
I’m… doing really well
Stop lying
Although we don’t know everything about each other…

For me, it was good. 

How we used to care for each other
For me, it’ll be painful
Even when the seasons
endlessly change
But it’s alright, but it’s alright

첫 눈

Note: I have 2 versions because... they're all too cute hahaha ^^

첫 눈 - EXO (Korean Ver.)

첫눈 오는 이런 오후에
너에게 전화를 걸
수만 있다면 기쁠텐데
벌써 일년이 지났는데 난
아직 미련 가득해서 “쓸
쓸해” 어느새 혼잣말

(시계를 되돌려) 1년
전으로 갈 수 있다면
(마음을 되돌려)
지금 우린 달라졌을까
yeah 바보 같은 소리지,
그래도 만약

너를 만나면 눈물 차 올라
바보 같은 난 아무 말 못해
말해줘 메리 메리 크리스마스,
안녕 잘 지내는거지
눈이 내리면 멍든 가슴이
모두 하얗게 다 덮여지게 될까

미안해 잘해주지 못해
후회만 가득 가득 했던,
그 크리스마스

불빛 가득한 거리
거리 혼자 걸었어.
다들 행복해 보여
너는 언제나 공기처럼
있어줄 거란 착각에,
멍청히 보내,
내가 너무 미안해

(너무 흔한 얘기) 지나고
나면 너무 소중해
(항상 지나치지) 왜
그때는 모르는 걸까
지금은 다를 거야 말해주고파

너를 만나면 눈물 차 올라
바보 같은 난 아무 말 못해
말해줘 메리 메리 크리스마스,
안녕 잘 지내는거지
눈이 내리면 멍든 가슴이
모두 하얗게 다 덮여지게 될까

눈물인지 눈 때문인지
점점 너 멀리 멀리 보이던,
그 크리스마스

정말 신기한 일이야 너의
생각만으로 눈물 차 흐르니
말야 Tears are falling, falling, falling
다시 너에게로 가고 싶어
무슨 일이든 할 수 있어
지금까지 삶이 모두
사라진다 해도 Girl

너를 만나면 눈물 차 올라
바보 같은 난 아무 말 못해
말해줘 메리 메리 크리스마스,
안녕 잘 지내는거지
Baby girl ooh- yeah-
눈이 내리면 멍든 가슴이
모두 하얗게 다 덮여지게 될까

미안해 잘해주지 못해
후회만 가득 가득 했던,

너를 만나면 눈물 차 올라
(눈물 차 올라)
(바보 같은 난)아무 말 못해
(아무 말 못하는 나 인걸)
메리 메리 크리스마스,
잘 지내는거지
눈이 내리면 멍든 가슴이
모두 하얗게 다 덮여지게 될까

눈물인지 눈 때문인지
점점 너 멀리 멀리 보이던,
그 크리스마스

Translations
On this afternoon as the first snow is falling

If only I could call you, I’d be so happy

A year has already passed but I'm still not over you
So I talk to myself, “I'm lonely”

(Turn back the clock)
if only I could go back one year
(Turn back my heart)
would we be different now?
Yeah, it’s a stupid thought,
but still, what if

If I met you, would tears rise up?
The foolish me wouldn’t be able to say anything 

Tell me, Merry Merry Christmas

Hi, how have you been?
When the snow falls, would mybruised heart get covered whitely?

I’m sorry I didn’t treat you well
That Christmas I was only filled with regrets

I walked alone on a street filled with lights,
everyone looks happy
I used to think you would always be there like air
But I foolishly let you go,
I’m so sorry

(Such a typical story) 

After time passed, the fact that you’re so precious
(It always passes by) 

Why didn’t I know back then? 

I want to tell you that it’s different now

If I met you, would tears rise up?
The foolish me wouldn't be able to say anything 

Tell me, Merry Merry Christmas

Hi, how have you been?
When the snow falls, would my bruised heart get covered whitely?

Is it tears or is it because of the snow? 

That Christmas, I kept seeing you get farther away

It’s so strange, just thinking of you makes tears fall
Tears are falling falling falling
I want to go back to you
I can do anything
Even if all of my life till now disappears girl

If I met you, would tears rise up?
The foolish me wouldn’t be able to say anything 

Tell me, Merry Merry Christmas

Hi, how have you been?
Baby girl ooh- yeah-
When the snow falls, would my bruised heart get covered whitely?

I’m sorry I didn’t treat you well
I was only filled with regrets

If I met you, would tears rise up? (tears rise up)
Can’t say anything (I can’t say anything)
Tell me, Merry Merry Christmas,
Hi, how have you been?
When the snow falls, would my bruised heart get covered whitely?

Is it tears or is it because of the snow? 

That Christmas, I kept seeing you get farther away

Goodbye.. Summer.

Goodbye Summer - F(Luna, Krystal, Amber) Ft. D.O of EXO

Lyrics

기억해 복도에서 떠들다

같이 혼나던 우리 둘

벌서면서도 왜 그리도

즐거웠는지 알았어

그날 이후로 (Yeah Yeah)

우린 늘 (Yeah Yeah)

쌍둥이 별자리처럼

넌 나 나는 너였어

졸업하기 전날 많이 울던
너 남자라고 꾹 참던 너
하고 싶었던 말 못하고
뜨거웠던
그 여름처럼 안녕

친구라는 이름 어느새
미워진 이름 감추던 감정은
지금도 아픈 비밀의 기억일 뿐
우리 사인 정리할 수 없는 사진
보면 가슴 아린 Story, I’m sorry
여름아 이젠 Goodbye Yay-Yeah

What do I say
We didn’t have to play no games
I should’ve took that chance
I should’ve asked for u to stay
And it gets me down
the unsaid words that still remain
시작하지도 않고 끝나버린 이야기

축제 마지막 날 너의 노래도
아른한 여름 바다도함께
라서 소중했던 맘 늦어
가는 밤 하늘처럼 안녕

친구라는 이름 어느새
미워진 이름 감추던 감정은
지금도 아픈 비밀의 기억일 뿐
우리 사인 정리할 수 없는 사진
보면 가슴 아린 Story, I’m sorry
여름아 이젠 Goodbye Yay-Yeah

Baby Oh No Oh Oh 혼잣말이라서
미안해 Oh 사실은 널 사랑해 Yeah
숨기고 있던 오랜 비밀들 차라리
들켰다면 너를 품에 안아줄텐데

친구라는 이름 어느새
미워진 이름 감추던 감정은
지금도 아픈 비밀의 기억일 뿐
우리 사인 정리할 수 없는 사진
보면 가슴 아린 Story, I’m sorry
여름아 이젠 Goodbye Yay-Yeah

친구라는 이름 어느새 미워진
이름 보면 가슴 아린 Story, I’m
sorry 여름아 이젠 Goodbye Yay-Yeah

랄랄랄랄라 랄랄랄랄라랄랄
랄랄랄랄라 랄랄랄랄랄라

Trans

I remember when we were yelled
at for talking in the halls
I don’t know why it was so fun
even when we were being punished
After that day (yeah yeah)
we always (yeah yeah)
Stuck together like the Astro twins,
you were me and I was you

You cried so much
on the day before graduation
You held it in firmly since you’re a guy
Just like that hot summer when
we couldn’t say what we wanted, goodbye

The friend label is a label that I got to hate
The feelings I’ve hidden still remain
as a painful secret memory
The photos that can’t define
our relationship is a heartbreaking story
I’m sorry, summer, now goodbye, yeah

What do I say,
we didn’t have to play no games
I should’ve took that chance,
I should’ve asked for you to stay
And it gets me down
the unsaid words that still remain
The story ended without even starting

Your song on the last day of the school
festival, the flickering summer sea./ Our feelings
that were precious because we were together
Like the deepening night sky, goodbye

The friend label is a label that I got to hate
The feelings I’ve hid still remain
as a painful secret memory
The photos that can’t define our
relationship is a heartbreaking story
I’m sorry, summer, now goodbye, yeah

Baby oh no oh oh I’m sorry that this is a
monologue./ Oh, actually, I love you, yeah
If only our long-time hidden secrets were
revealed./ I would hold you in my arms

The friend label is a label that I got to hate
The feelings I’ve hid still remain
as a painful secret memory
The photos that can’t define
our relationship is a heartbreaking story
I’m sorry, summer, now goodbye, yeah

The friend label is a label that I got to hate
A heartbreaking story, I’m
sorry, summer, now goodbye, yeah

[rallallallalla rallallallallarallal
rallallallalla rallallallallalla]

1 Year Later

1년 後 - Jessica Ft. Onew

[제시카] 한참을 꿈을 꾼 것 같아
한동안 헤매고 헤매다
마치 약속이라도 한 듯
내 계절을 거슬러 그 날처럼
마주 서있는 우리

그 때 우리가 써내려갔던 아름다웠던 이야기
그 때 우리가 기도했었던 영원 하자던 약속들
하나씩 떠올리다 나의 가슴이
견디지 못 할걸 알기에
네 생각에 더 꾹 참았어
너의 일 년은 또 어땠었니

[온유] 한참을 잊은 채 살았지
한동안 괜찮은 듯 했어
하지만 시간이 흐르면 깨달아 가고 있어
너 없이는 나는 안 된다는 걸

그 때 우리가 아주 조금만 어른스러웠더라면
그 때 우리가 미처 몰랐던 지금을 알았더라면
끝이 없는 후회만 되뇌이다가 이겨낼 자신이 없어서
그것 마저 더 꾹 참았어
그렇게 일 년이 흘러왔어

[제시카] 혹시 너도 내 맘 같을까
[온유] 다시 한 번만 기회를 주겠니

[제시카/온유] 이젠 알아 절대로 우리는 헤어질 수 없어
사랑하고 또 사랑하는 한사람

[온유] 우리 좋았던 처음 그 때로 다시 돌아갔으면 해
[제시카] 아름다웠고 행복했었던 사랑이었던 날들로

[온유] 가슴 아픈 얘기들 헛된 다툼들
[제시카] 이젠 모두 다 묻어 두고
다신 꺼내지 말기로 해
계절이 또 흘러

[온유] 몇 년이 지나도
[제시카/온유] 오늘 같은 맘만 다신 없게

Trans
It feels like I've been dreaming for a long timeI've wandered and wandered around for a while
As if we made a promise
Standing here in front of each other like that day from four seasons ago
Those beautiful stories that we wrote down together
Those eternal promises that we prayed for at that time
They're all coming back to me now and I don't think my heart can take it
I've even restrained myself at the thought of you
How has your one year been

For a long time, I've been living, having forgotten of you
For a while, I thought I was doing fine
However I started to realize it as time passed by
That I am nothing without you
At that time, if only we had been a bit more mature
If only we knew how we would be right now
I have no confidence in overcoming these endless regrets
So I've had to just repress them
One year has passed like that

Could your feelings perhaps be the same as mine?
Will you give me another chance?
I know now that we can never part from each other
The one person I love and love again

I wish we can go back to our first days
To the beautiful, happy and loving days
Those heart-breaking stories and vain arguments
Just bury all of that now
And promise that we won't take them out again
No matter how many seasons pass and how many years go by
I hope that we won't meet like today again

Arrow

화살 - SHINee

Korean
가슴 가득한 그대 흔적 나를 숨쉬게 해요
달빛에 긴 밤이 모두 물들면
헤어날 수 없는 기다림 다 끝이 날까요
기적을 빌어 묻고 답해요

오 그대 맘에 닿고 싶은 날 말하지 못해
시린 구름 뒤에 가린 별빛들처럼
사랑해 입술 끝에 맴돌던 아픈 고백
모두 끝내 눈물에 흘러

심장에 닿은 이 화살은 이젠 내 몸 같겠죠
죽을 만큼 너무 아파도
내 맘에 박힌 그대를 꺼낼 수 없네요
사랑이라서 난 사랑이라서

*나 그댈 갖지 못해도 내 맘이 끝내
슬픈 인연의 벽 앞에 가로막혀도
사랑해 바라볼 수만 있는 곳이라면
그댄 내 전부니까

수 많은 밤 지새우다
내 눈물 같은 별빛이
멎지 않는 비가 되면
기억해요 내가 사랑했단 걸

*Repeat x2

힘겹지 않아요 oh no
내 그대라 그대니까
아파도 울려도 사랑해


Translations
Your traces that my heart is filled with
Makes me able to breathe
When the long night is colored by the moonlight
Will the inescapable wait all end?
I wish for a miracle and ask and answer myself

Oh, I can’t tell you about me
Who wants to reach your heart
Like the starlight hidden behind the cold clouds
I love you, in the end, this painful confession
That lingers at the edge of my lips slide down in tears

This arrow that’s reached my heart
Feels like a part of my body now
Even though it hurts to death
I can’t remove you, who’s stuck in my heart
Because it’s love
Because for me, it’s love

*Even if I can’t have you
In the end, even when my heart is blocked
By the wall of sad connection
I love you, if it’s a place
where I can just watch you
Because you’re my everything

I stay up for so many nights
When the starlight becomes rain
That doesn’t stop like my tears
Remember that I loved you

*Repeat x2

It’s not tough, oh no
Because you have to be mine
In order for you to be you
Even if it hurts
Even if you make me cry
I love you

bye bye bye

Bye Bye Bye - Skarf
길을 걷다 우연히 너를 봤어 
gireul geotda uyeonhi neoreul bwasseo 
니 옆엔 누구니
ni yeopen nuguni
한번도 본적 없던 그런 얼굴로 
hanbeondo bonjeok eopdeon geureon eolgullo 
행복해 보여
haengbokhae boyeo

좋은 사람 만나란 말 거짓말야
joheun saram mannaran mal geojitmallya
어떻게 그래
eotteoke geurae
다시는 너를 볼수 없을꺼라고
dasineun neoreul bolsu eobseulkkeorago
생각했는데
saenggakhaenneunde

bye bye bye 떠나간 너를 붙잡고 싶은지 
bye bye bye tteonagan neoreul butjapgo sipeunji 
이 맘은 또 먼지
i mameun tto meonji
cry cry cry 밤새 니 생각에 먹먹해지는지 
cry cry cry bamsae ni saenggage meongmeokhaejineunji 
아무것도 할 수 없어 
amugeotdo hal su eobseo 

어제 처럼 마주 치지는 말자
eoje cheoreom maju chijineun malja
난 너무 아프다
nan neomu apeuda
너는 모르겠지 이런 내 맘을
neoneun moreugetji ireon nae mameul
넌 어떠니
neon eotteoni

좋은 사람 만나란 말 거짓말야
joheun saram mannaran mal geojitmallya
어떻게 그래
eotteoke geurae
다시는 너를 볼 수 없을꺼라고
dasineun neoreul bol su eobseulkkeorago
생각했는데
saenggakhaenneunde

bye bye bye 떠나간 너를 
bye bye bye tteonagan neoreul 
붙잡고 싶은지 이 맘은 또 먼지
butjapgo sipeunji i mameun tto meonji
cry cry cry 밤새 니 생각에
cry cry cry bamsae ni saenggage
먹먹해지는지 아무것도 할 수 없어 
meongmeokhaejineunji amugeotdo hal su eobseo 

속상해 내가 이러는게
soksanghae naega ireoneunge
널 버려놓고 널 울려놓고
neol beoryeonoko neol ullyeonoko
바보같이 맘을 몰랐어 이제야 알아
babogachi mameul mollasseo ijeya ara
내가 너를 사랑했는지
naega neoreul saranghaenneunji

bye bye bye 떠나간 너를 
bye bye bye tteonagan neoreul 
붙잡고 싶은지 이 맘은 또 먼지
butjapgo sipeunji i mameun tto meonji
cry cry cry 밤새 니 생각에
cry cry cry bamsae ni saenggage
먹먹해지는지 아무것도 할 수 없어 
meongmeokhaejineunji amugeotdo hal su eobseo 

bye bye bye 떠나간 너를 
bye bye bye tteonagan neoreul 
붙잡고 싶은지 이 맘은 또 먼지
butjapgo sipeunji i mameun tto meonji
cry cry cry 밤새 니 생각에
cry cry cry bamsae ni saenggage
먹먹해지는지 아무것도 할 수 없어 
meongmeokhaejineunji amugeotdo hal su eobseo 

As I was walking, I coincidentally saw you
Who is that next to you?
I’ve never seen that kind of face on you
You look happy

When I said I hope you meet a good person, that was a lie
How could you?
I thought I would never see you again

Bye bye bye, I want to catch you, who has left
What is this feeling?
Cry cry cry, all night, my heart gets cloudy at thoughts of you
I can’t do anything

Let’s not run into each other like yesterday
It hurts too much for me
You won’t know how I feel
How do you feel?

When I said I hope you meet a good person, that was a lie
How could you?
I thought I would never see you again

Bye bye bye, I want to catch you, who has left
What is this feeling?
Cry cry cry, all night, my heart gets cloudy at thoughts of you
I can’t do anything

I’m upset that I’m being like this
I’m the one who dumped you, I’m the one who made you cry
But like a fool, I didn’t know but now I know
How much I really loved you

Hellooooooo.

Wow it's almost 2 months since I last blogged.

Ahehehehe.

Thoughts kept slipping my mind and i end up not blogging.

forgive me, neh?

anyway.

Here's a song by Skarf, a Singapore-Korean girl group. 

for once I'm being patriotic.

HEHEHE.

or rather, it's the Singapore pride (?)

oh well.

their songs are pretty catchy so support them! :)

don't be afraid of the title; i'm not gonna close this blog.

it's far to precious LOL.

it's been.. WOW 5 YEARS + SINCE I STARTED BLOGGING IN FEB 2008.

WOW.

I am quite shocked LOL.

anywayyyyyy.

Last sunday, i went for an audition for a competition for the first time in my (almost) 18 years of life.

and it wasn't a small competition.

it was Mnet's KPOP STARHUNT 3.

honestly, i didn't know how big the event was because Roy just told me that it was just a kpop competition.

when i went to the place i was just shocked. and confused.

and then i started to panic.

because well, i don't have a good voice to begin with.. 

it's not that i'm not confident but my voice is just average.

sometimes i feel so sad, because my voice just sounds normal.

hani can belt, jiamin has that soulful feel in her voice and me?
honestly, i don't know.

after joining the queue, we had to write our names.

because it was such a long line, the 3 of us took turns to practice at the staircase lobby.

i was stressed because it was my first time, and i just.. freaked out.

i remember saying, "Shall i cancel my name?"

of course, jiamin didn't allow that.

oh well.

then our turns came. Jiamin, Roy, then me.

my hands were shaking really badly when Roy was singing. lol.

then my turn came.

though i wasn't given a pass, i wasn't disappointed.

i knew that i outdid myself because my vibrato actually appeared.

hoho.

secondly, i didn't like the environment.

it was at that moment that i started to think over things.

Did I ever want to be famous? I don't like attention.

Would I be able to survive in that competitive of an environment? I almost died in Sec 3/4.

Would I be able to give up everything to pursue that? Family, friends, studies..?

Most importantly, did i really want this?

While thinking about all of these, it then occurred to me that i wanted to be more of a backstage crew rather than the artiste itself.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not giving anything up.

I just feel that it isn't right for me to be in the spotlight.

I've always been more of a supporter rather than a doer.

I should just forget about singing and focus on my studies right..?

not good with { words }

Sorry (Dear.Daddy) - F(x) Luna & Krystal
Korean
혹시 오늘 내가 그대 맘을 아프게 했다면 용서해요
바보 같은 난 철없는 말 되풀이만 했죠
혹시 지금 그대 이런 내 맘 이해 못한데도 괜찮아요
아무 변명도 필요 없죠 나의 잘못인걸요

말 하지 않아도 모두 알아요 두 눈에 눈물 고였잖아요
Sorry, so sorry, 이게 내 맘인걸요
마음이 여린 날 알잖아요 내가 더 잘 해볼게요
Sorry, sorry, I’m sorry, sorry, 이 말 밖에는 못해, yeah

아 직 그대 속상한 맘에 날 조금 미워해도 괜찮아요
아무 표현도 필요 없죠 나의 그대인걸요 나에겐 영원한걸요

말하지 않아도 모두 알아요 두 눈에 눈물 고였잖아요
Sorry, so sorry, 이게 내 맘인걸요
마음이 여린 날 알잖아요 내가 더 잘 해볼게요
Sorry, sorry, I’m sorry, sorry, 이 말 밖에는 못해, yeah

이 것 밖엔, 할 수 없죠, 그대 없는 세상, 상상 못하죠
부족하지만 조금 서툴지만 그댈 사랑하는 걸요, oh, oh

말 하지 않아도 다 알아요 두 눈에 눈물 흐르잖아요
Sorry, so sorry 이게 내 맘인걸요
마음이 여린 날 알잖아요 내가 더 잘 해볼게요
Sorry, sorry, I’m sorry, sorry, 이 말 밖에는 이 말 밖엔 못해요, yeah

Sorry, sorry, so hard to say I’m sorry
Sorry, I’m sorry, 이 말 전하지 못해 yeah

English Translation

Forgive me if I possibly hurt your feelings today.
My immature self just said immature things.
If you possibly can't understand my feelings, it's fine.
No need for excuses, It's all my fault.

Even if you don't say everyone knows, both your eyes are immersed with tears.
Sorry, so sorry. This is my heart.
You know the day I've opened up my heart I'll do better.
Sorry. (Sorry) I'm sorry. (Sorry) I can't say anything other than this. Yeah~

You can still hate me for your sorrowful feelings.
There's no need for any expressions. To me you'll be here forever.

Even if you don't say everyone knows, both your eyes are immersed with tears.
Sorry, so sorry. This is my heart.
You know the day I've opened up my heart I'll do better.
Sorry. (Sorry) I'm sorry. (Sorry) I can't say anything other than this. Yeah~

I can't do anything other than this. I can't imagine a world without you.
Although I'm lacking and deficient, I love you. Oh, oh~

Even if you don't say everyone knows, both your eyes are immersed with tears.
Sorry, so sorry. This is my heart.
You know the day I've opened up my heart I'll do better.
Sorry. (Sorry) I'm sorry. (Sorry) I can't say anything other than this, yeah.

Sorry, sorry. So hard to say I'm sorry.
Sorry, I'm sorry. I can't say anything other than this, yeah.

I'm usually good with words, but for expressing my feelings.. no.

I can't express myself in front of you.

I can't.

I can't talk to you like how I talk to her, knowing that you will judge the people whom I hold dear.

I don't wish to say how i feel knowing that I will say things I'll regret.
I am fully aware that you want the best for me and do not wish for me to regret not taking some chances.
but why are you so harsh with me regarding that?
honestly, if you would say nicely to me i might really dare to do it..
because your tone is the thing that's discouraging me.
maybe you see me as someone who gives up too easily.
but really, how would you know what i'm thinking?
i can't approach you because of the restrictions you set for me.
i'm not complaining about your restrictions because i'm okay with it but then again..
it would be something i can't talk to you about.
i know i'm not a filial daughter.
I don't buy your heart because i do things that are unappreciative of your love for me.
i really try my best. and i'm sorry if my best isn't okay for you.

Dearest father, Happy Fathers' Day.

Sorry. I'm so sorry for everything. I'm sorry for how I am.
I love you.

D a y d r e a m ~ .

머문다 - Super Junior

귀를 막고 그대를 들어본다 

두 눈을 감고 그대를 그려본다 

그댄 흘러갔는데 그댄 지나갔는데

이미 잡힐 수 조차도 없는 기억 속에서 

*난 머문다 (머문다) 난 머문다 (머문다)

사랑했던 기억들이 나를 가지고 논다 

다시 한 번 One more time

이렇게 끝난다니 믿을 수가 없는 걸요 

고작 이 정도로 그 수 많았던 약속들은 어떻게 어떻게 

숨을 참고 그대를 들이킨다

주먹을 쥐고 그댈 쓰다듬는다 

그댄 흘러갔는데 그댄 지나갔는데

이젠 가질 수 조차도 없는 추억 속에서

*난 머문다 (머문다) 난 머문다 (머문다)

사랑했던 기억들이 나를 가지고 논다 

다시 한 번 One more time

이렇게 끝난다니 믿을 수가 없는 걸요 

고작 이 정도로 그 수 많았던 약속들은 어떻게 어떻게 

Rap> 

아파도 다쳐도 난 너 있어야 살 수 있어

너 없는 삶은 내겐 죽음과도 같아

앞으로도 뒤로도 갈 수 없는데 나는 어떻게 어떻게

머문다

*저문다 (니가 떠난 그 날부터 난) 

난 저문다 (나를 버린 그 날부터 난)

니가 떠난 그 날부터 조금씩 추락한다 

다시 한 번 One more time

이렇게 끝난다니 믿을 수가 없는걸요 

고작 이 정도로 그 수 많았던 약속들은 어떻게 어떻게

Covering my ears to listen to you
Shutting my eyes to imagine you
You have slowly become blurred, you have slowly left me
In the unstoppable memories

I stop (stop) I stop (stop)

The memories of having once loved, control me so easily

Once again, One more time

How can it end like this I cannot believe

Those countless promises, what to do, what to do

Not breathing to feel you

Clutching both fists together to touch you

You have slowly become blurred, you have slowly left me

In the unstoppable memories

I stop (stop) I stop (stop)

The memories of having once loved, control me so easily

Once again, One more time

How can it end like this, I cannot believe

Those countless promises, what to do, what to do

Not breathing to feel you

Clutching both fists together to touch you

You have slowly become blurred, you have slowly left me

In the unstoppable memories

I stop (stop) I stop (stop)

The memories of having once loved, control me so easily

Once again, One more time

How can it end like this, I cannot believe

Those countless promises, what to do, what to do

No fear of pain, no fear of hurt

Only with you here will I be able to live

Without you I am just as if I have lost a life

Unable to move forward, unable to move backward

What do I do, what do I do

Stop

Dark and lightless (since the day you left)

Dark and lightless (since the day you dumped me)

Since the day you left me

I have died a little

Once again, One more time

How can it end like this, I cannot believe

Those countless promises, what to do, what to do