crappy

 

 

hello there.

heh i know it's been so long since i last updated? hehehe. sorry. mmm, lately too much has been going on. i really need to rant somewhere.

 

so first.. my results were released today. *huge sigh* well, i kinda expected it but yeah i still can't help being disappointed. of course, it was my fault but... can't i hope? it was still better though, considering that i didn't fail. but i barely passed too. my gpa is neither here nor there either. haish... poa results wasn't released though. ugh i know i didn't do well in that too. i'm pretty bummed out because i know i didn't do well. my mum said it was okay since the results were pretty average. average..

 

i'm pretty sick of being just average. psle, my results were average. o levels, my results were even more average. this time isn't an exception. sometimes i feel like strangling myself. i mean like, am i really not able to shine? am i not good enough?

 

maybe what my mum says is true? that i lack the guts to fight for what i really want? even for vt, i seldom tried for leads because i didn't want people to feel as though i'm desperate for a solo, which is why i actively help with the other parts. my parents often ask me, eh you got lead anot. and i'll just be like, no.. even if i secretly wished for it, i wouldn't ask for it. because i'd rather be awknowledged by others to do the job than do it but making others hate me. sometimes i don't even know what i do that. i mean. seriously. which brings me to the problems in vt.

 

i really shouldn't be blogging about this but i doubt anyone comes here anyway..

so yeah. attendance is quite an issue here. with missing people, it's really very difficult to practice. with the concert coming in around 5 weeks we are barely prepared. i mean, really. songs are not even finalised yet. we haven't even come up with the cue sheet yet. all these make me really jumpy because i hate to rush things. and what makes me more frustrated is that some of them aren't even worried. hey it's our concert for goodness sake. i just hope everything can go smoothly.

 

despite all the rush, i'm still hyped for the concert. well, it is a concert after all. what's more, i'm the stage manager alongside mj and jiamin. hehe i've always seen ms ang doing it for previous achievement day concerts. that was and is still my interest. that was my reason for opting for ABM in the first place anyway. since i'm not there, i'm thankful to get this chance here. hope i do a good job at it though. heh heh heh.

 

hmm there isn't much time left. i'll just end here then. maybe i'll continue tmr if i have the inspiration to type. heee. okay shall end off with this~

 

annyeong ~

 

boy, I don't care

honestly, i dont know what do you want from me.
i really feel there isnt much we can talk about anymore.
we're already in different schools.
and i wish to distance myself already, so what's your problem man.
dont you even realise that i've been rejecting you countless times already?
i always get this feeling that you're using me.

for goodness sake, this is my friggin house.
not your hotel.
and please, my dad is not your chauffeur.
dont assume.
he is not obligated to do anything for you okay.
so dont fucking take us for granted.
i've been holding this in for a really really long time already.
i only stood up with it because initially it was just study sessions.
since we're all in different schools now, i dont see any need to meet up as often as before you know.
even during the study sessions, just because i was in a "better" (in your tongue) class, i had to bear with all your sacarstic remarks.
that what, i was in the best class but i was failing and all but i shouldn't and WHAT NOT.
if you insult me, fine, it's alright.
you guys just had to insult my friends to right.
seriously, they are MY FRIENDS.
whatever mistakes they have done, I KNOW.
what you don't know was the circumstances they were in.
so dont judge them.
in fact, you shouldnt even be judging anyone at all.
seriously, you dont have the right.
it's not like you're oh so perfect you know.
i can really do without friends people without you.
so i'd really appreciate it if you just live your own life, and i'll live mine happily.

when i cared, you didnt.

so right now, i dont either.