falling

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What is it that you express in your eyes? It seems to be more than all the words I have read in my life. — Walt Whitman

 

People think I’m lying about being hurt because they see me laughing. Little do they know I laugh to keep myself from crying.

 

 

Unfortunately, we believe the liars, trust the backstabbers, and like the heartbreakers.

 

 

 

 

 

I still love the people I’ve loved, even if I cross the street to avoid them.

— Uma Thurman

 

 

 

 

I tried to tell the sea
how much she meant to me,
and in return she swelled
and well
she took my breath away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

crappy

 

 

hello there.

heh i know it's been so long since i last updated? hehehe. sorry. mmm, lately too much has been going on. i really need to rant somewhere.

 

so first.. my results were released today. *huge sigh* well, i kinda expected it but yeah i still can't help being disappointed. of course, it was my fault but... can't i hope? it was still better though, considering that i didn't fail. but i barely passed too. my gpa is neither here nor there either. haish... poa results wasn't released though. ugh i know i didn't do well in that too. i'm pretty bummed out because i know i didn't do well. my mum said it was okay since the results were pretty average. average..

 

i'm pretty sick of being just average. psle, my results were average. o levels, my results were even more average. this time isn't an exception. sometimes i feel like strangling myself. i mean like, am i really not able to shine? am i not good enough?

 

maybe what my mum says is true? that i lack the guts to fight for what i really want? even for vt, i seldom tried for leads because i didn't want people to feel as though i'm desperate for a solo, which is why i actively help with the other parts. my parents often ask me, eh you got lead anot. and i'll just be like, no.. even if i secretly wished for it, i wouldn't ask for it. because i'd rather be awknowledged by others to do the job than do it but making others hate me. sometimes i don't even know what i do that. i mean. seriously. which brings me to the problems in vt.

 

i really shouldn't be blogging about this but i doubt anyone comes here anyway..

so yeah. attendance is quite an issue here. with missing people, it's really very difficult to practice. with the concert coming in around 5 weeks we are barely prepared. i mean, really. songs are not even finalised yet. we haven't even come up with the cue sheet yet. all these make me really jumpy because i hate to rush things. and what makes me more frustrated is that some of them aren't even worried. hey it's our concert for goodness sake. i just hope everything can go smoothly.

 

despite all the rush, i'm still hyped for the concert. well, it is a concert after all. what's more, i'm the stage manager alongside mj and jiamin. hehe i've always seen ms ang doing it for previous achievement day concerts. that was and is still my interest. that was my reason for opting for ABM in the first place anyway. since i'm not there, i'm thankful to get this chance here. hope i do a good job at it though. heh heh heh.

 

hmm there isn't much time left. i'll just end here then. maybe i'll continue tmr if i have the inspiration to type. heee. okay shall end off with this~

 

annyeong ~

 

don't forget me, i beg

Lately, I've been listening to Demi Lovato A LOT.
lots of feeling-relating thingy. sigh.
finally, o levels are gonna end next tuesday!
OMG I CAN'T WAIT LA.
after that, there's prom!
Teehee.
Pretty much prepared already (OKAY I KNOW I'M KIASU).
Played with make-up today.
Tiring.
hate the removal part because it's so troublesome!
hehe played with my hair too!
now my hair's HALF set and HALF straight coz my mum was lazy to continue.
it's pretty in a mess now.
but i like it.
>:)
I'm gonna have curly hair!
:DDDDDD
so happy lol.
ahhhhhhh wait.
gotta tone down.
os not finished yet.
soon, soon.

anyway.
been looking at older posts too.
just realised i'm really a horrible nerd.
seems i just can't escape from studying eh.
I see the word "study" so many times-it's really unbelievable.
seriously.
it's kinda painful reading them anyway.
so much has changed within these 2 years.
friends have changed.
or was it me?
i dont know, really.
some, we've grown really distant even though we're so close.
others, we've been so far apart, and yet when we start talking it's as if nothing changed. which is pretty true.
but it's quite sad, thinking of it.
grr, what makes it worse is how i wrote all of it down.
it's all so vivid.
i can visualise it as if it was just yesterday.
i'm sorry, i just can't continue anymore.

don't forget me, i beg.

i remember, you said,

"nevermind, i'll find someone like you."

I wish nothing but the best, for you too.

dont forget me, i beg.

i remember, you said,

"sometimes, it lasts in love, but sometimes, it hurts instead."

I'm not strong.

Just when you think you can move on,
you'll remember all the reasons why you held on so long.

time travel.

It just seemed like yesterday that I was just entering AISS.

And now, I'm going on to Sec 4.

Oh gosh.

It seems like yesterday, that I was still typing in SMS language, and using a hell lot of full-stops.

LOL.

I can't stand that time is moving so fast.

It's like sand, slipping through my fingers.

Especially this year.

This year has been really filled with fun.

Jan: Starting out in a new class

Feb: CNY

March: CIP @ St Luke's

April: Achievement Day

May: Andrea Boccelli's Concert, Exams, NYJC Choir Concert

June: Sports day @ Bedok Resevoir, STP, Planning Choir Camp, Choir Camp, Being in comm

July: Talent time

Sept: Teachers' Day

Oct: Exams, Birthday Celebration

Nov: Dropping Physics, Preparation of Cantare 3, Lots of scoldings

Dec: Cantare 3, Post Cantare 3 celebration (& more...)

So much has happened.

What's even fresh in my mind, is the preparation for Cantare 3, as well as after it.

This year has been a really Choir-filled year uh.

I've gotten really bonded with my sec 3 choirmates.

And I LOVE THEM TO BITS.

Not forgetting, the choir committee!

:D

It has been epic-ly fun bonding with you guys.

Especially with Fadhilah.

Ribena uh. ^^

How I wish this year will not end.

But it is not to be.

The clock continues ticking, water continues dripping, life goes on.

Ha..

Next year.

Donuts.

" O " levels.

Get it?

Hahaha.

And, SYF.

Hais.

Gonna be busy like shit.

And then Graduation.

Ugh.

I hope more good things happen.

And that I'll be happier.

I guess, for now I'll just relieve the good times.

Meanwhile, I'll create more memories.

;)

total eclipse of a heart

Hey guys.

So, my birthday came and went.

I'd love to upload the pictures, but nah.

I'm too lazy, sorry :B

But anyway, it's the best birthday I've EVER had.

I've these lovely people to thank for planning it:

Limin

Priya

Linda

Ruiwen

Xin Peng

Ermanda

Jin Kheng

Not forgetting, the RAINBOW BOYS , consisting of:

AJ

Philemon

Jia Heng

Benjamin

Yuwah

Azfar

And of course, the many wonderful people who gave me sweet wishes and presents.

There's too much to name, but I'll credit you guys when I DO post the pictures ya. :)

:D

These few days has proven that I had too much time on my hands.

Which in turn also means, I have too much time to think.

So yes.

I've been thinking about many many things.

Some sad, some happy.

To be more exact, I was thinking a lot of the past 2 years.

As they say, you win some, lose some.

Very appropriate indeed.

Many of the incidents cause me to think over the loopholes: thinking,

why it happened

what I could've done

what could have been

Of course, my mind often ends up a whirl.

Perhaps, you may say, why bother thinking about it, if it leaves you broken and battered?

But really, its hard to keep my mind off from thinking too much.

Ha, I can only blame myself for having too rich an imagination.

Even so, there has been too many unanswered questions.

Sadly.

Even as I've made up my mind to douse those thoughts, I can't help it if it haunts me.

It haunts me.

And often it leaves a scar.

Or rather, a tattoo.

Permanent and painful.

Sometimes, I wish I'd never met you,

I would spare myself so much pain.

Anyway, that aside, I'm here to do some promotion. ;)

The Ahmad Ibrahim Secondary Choir is presenting...

Cantare III

3rd December 2010, Friday

7.30pm

The Republic Cultural Centre Studio @ Republic Polytecnic

$12

We'll be singing many songs, including

I Gotta Feeling

Mamma Mia

Dancing Queen

& many more :)

Do support us!

Anyone interested please,

leave a tag or

sms me or

IM me.

Your support is much appreciated! :)

Thanks! :DD

Once upon a time,

I was falling in love.

Now,

I'm only falling apart.