do you hear the words that I don't say?

so.. hello :)
heh. it's been like, 3 months since a proper blog post?
mianhae..

anyway.
honestly I'd been a wreck these few months. not like a crying mess but just a lot of emotional turmoil inside me. yes, I admit it's self inflicted but there's just too many things going on in my mind.

one too many times, he sneaks into my head.
I hate it. I hate it so much. I hate that I do this to myself..
I really want to be happy but every time I smile something holds me back. a happy memory with you comes a lot and there goes my smile.
some days, I'd be okay. I'd be able to not think about you. unless someone mentions you and my day goes downwards after. other days, I'd cry at night.

you'd probably think that the easiest option would be to confide in someone.

I tried.

but no one truly understands.

once I describe how he's like, good and bad, they would ask me, "Why would you like someone like him?"

how do I answer that?

With him, I don't even know what to call us. What was I to you? Was I even anything? Did I even matter? I don't know..

Especially people who know him; they would ask me that. probably because they saw how he treated me? I don't know. it was then that I realised I was the only one he showed his soft side.. that being said, I can't turn to my secondary school friends because they wouldn't be objective enough to listen.

I can't really turn to my poly friends too. some of them are attached, so they can't see things the way I do. The others have their own problems too.

The next person to approach Ms Jean. But even approaching her was difficult for me. I know I need help. But like I said, some days I'd feel okay to handle it, others I just.. I don't know.

At least I've always had my mum with me. But even then.. My mum knows everything. and yes I mean everything. she makes me confused. because sometimes I don't know who she supports me with. her answer would be: every guy would have their own points that I support. Geez. that helps. T-T which is why I don't want to turn to her because she keeps pushing me to other guys. If not, she suggests that I confess. aisht.. like that helps too.

I don't know if it's because I'm looking for someone who will say what I want to hear, because that is what it seems to me.

Think. Think. Think.
Think again.
Overthink. Over and over.
That's all I'd ever done. and I'm really tired.

That's why I turn to Kpop.
Immersing myself in music, hoping to find songs that can express what I wanted to.
Idolising someone, hoping that I'd be able to be like them or find someone like them.

Then comes my dream.
I've had a lot of dreams but all of them had disappeared once I hit sec 4, because instead of pursuing Arts Management, I got into Human Resources.
And yet with kpop, I've found my inspiration to do Artiste Management. You know, like be the manager of the idol groups. Or even be the backstage crew. Like for SBS, MBC or even Mnet.
My dream now is to study Artiste Management and hopefully be able to establish a career in Korea.
But somehow I can't seem to share my dream with others.
For a simple reason. Practicality.
I don't know if it's because my brain functions in such an abnormal way that people cannot see level with? Because I'm a dreamer?

I ever thought of even being a singer. but luckily I realised I wasn't made for the spotlight when I went for an audition. you can scroll down if you wish to read about it. I love the entertainment scene. so if I wasn't in the front line, being backstage is good too. I'm the secretary of VT and half the time I feel like I'm being a manager, checking that they go on to events on time, try to get gigs, see that they are doing okay in terms of musicality. Wouldn't you think that being a manager is at least more practical that that of being a singer? I do know where I stand.

But then also, there are people who comment on how I am, liking kpop, as if it's a sin.

Is it a sin to love music?

Kpop, Jpop, Mandopop, Country pop. It's all music, isn't it?
Should language separate what it is? Fangirling and music itself are 2 separate things. I just don't understand why are people so against kpop..
I've heard people tell me, "oh you faingirl too much, you should cut down on it. find a boyfriend" or "wow you like those pretty boys. they all look like sissies and they look the same" or even "ew you like that girl? that girl speaks plastic surgery."

I may sound a little overprotective regarding this issue, but who are YOU to comment how they are? we are all humans alike, right? so what's there to comment on? How would you like it if you were the one in their shoes? You're just trying to chase your dream of being a musician, but you have to be put down because of what the public thinks about appearances?

do you see how the world is like? it is so judgemental. no matter what you do, whether it concerns them or not, they will always comment. Even my dad comments..

I am honestly so sick of it.
I can't mope around.
I can't do what I want, loving music in my way.
I can't even chase my dreams.
I don't know how else I should be any more.

more often that not, I just wish to pack up and leave for somewhere quiet.
where I can be who I want to be.
where I can dream.
where I can lead a carefree life, just watching the sky pass.

I'm actually content and grateful for all that I have now, but I just want to be myself without having to adjust to what people feel is right.

Earlier on, I did a little research on what kind of a person I am.
Um, it turns out that I have 4 personality types..
oh what does psychology do to me..

1. INFJ - The Protector

2. INFP - The Idealist 

3. ISFJ - The Nurturers

4. ISFP - The Artists

Whatever's in red is what is very true for me. I guess the reason why I would have 4 is due to social monitoring? But I feel that the closest to what I feel is my personality would be the first one, INFJ.

I've changed.
Last November I took this test too, and I was just a ISFJ.
and now..?

The Protector

As an INFJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via intuition. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit with your personal value system.

INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types.

INFJs place great importance on havings things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, INFJs operate within themselves on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in the INFJ not being as organized as other Judging types tend to be. Or we may see some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk.

INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. They get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them. As an extreme example, some INFJs report experiences of a psychic nature, such as getting strong feelings about there being a problem with a loved one, and discovering later that they were in a car accident. This is the sort of thing that other types may scorn and scoff at, and the INFJ themself does not really understand their intuition at a level which can be verbalized. Consequently, most INFJs are protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it. They are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand. INFJs hold back part of themselves, and can be secretive.

But the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are concerned for people's feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress. [I cannot emphasize how true this line is. My body fails me whenever something happens.]

Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubborness and tendency to ignore other people's opinions. They believe that they're right. On the other hand, INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are in some ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families. They don't believe in compromising their ideals.

INFJ is a natural nurturer; patient, devoted and protective. They make loving parents and usually have strong bonds with their offspring. They have high expectations of their children, and push them to be the best that they can be. This can sometimes manifest itself in the INFJ being hard-nosed and stubborn. But generally, children of an INFJ get devoted and sincere parental guidance, combined with deep caring.

In the workplace, the INFJ usually shows up in areas where they can be creative and somewhat independent. They have a natural affinity for art, and many excel in the sciences, where they make use of their intuition. INFJs can also be found in service-oriented professions. They are not good at dealing with minutia or very detailed tasks. The INFJ will either avoid such things, or else go to the other extreme and become enveloped in the details to the extent that they can no longer see the big picture. An INFJ who has gone the route of becoming meticulous about details may be highly critical of other individuals who are not.

The INFJ individual is gifted in ways that other types are not. Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement.
Cr: http://www.personalitypage.com/INFJ.html
-

Another version would be this.

Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging 

by Joe Butt
Profile: INFJ
Revision: 3.1
Date of Revision: 8 Aug 2010

Beneath the quiet exterior, INFJs hold deep convictions about the weightier matters of life. Those who are activists -- INFJs gravitate toward such a role -- are there for the cause, not for personal glory or political power.

INFJs are champions of the oppressed and downtrodden. They often are found in the wake of an emergency, rescuing those who are in acute distress. INFJs may fantasize about getting revenge on those who victimize the defenseless. The concept of 'poetic justice' is appealing to the INFJ.

"There's something rotten in Denmark." Accurately suspicious about others' motives, INFJs are not easily led. These are the people that you can rarely fool any of the time. Though affable and sympathetic to most, INFJs are selective about their friends. Such a friendship is a symbiotic bond that transcends mere words.

INFJs have a knack for fluency in language and facility in communication. In addition, nonverbal sensitivity enables the INFJ to know and be known by others intimately.

Writing, counseling, public service and even politics are areas where INFJs frequently find their niche.

Functional Analysis:

Introverted iNtuition
Introverted intuitives, INFJs enjoy a greater clarity of perception of inner, unconscious processes than all but their INTJ cousins. Just as SP types commune with the object and "live in the here and now" of the physical world, INFJs readily grasp the hidden psychological stimuli behind the more observable dynamics of behavior and affect. Their amazing ability to deduce the inner workings of the mind, will and emotions of others gives INFJs their reputation as prophets and seers. Unlike the confining, routinizing nature of introverted sensing, introverted intuition frees this type to act insightfully and spontaneously as unique solutions arise on an event by event basis.

Extraverted Feeling
Extraverted feeling, the auxiliary deciding function, expresses a range of emotion and opinions of, for and about people. INFJs, like many other FJ types, find themselves caught between the desire to express their wealth of feelings and moral conclusions about the actions and attitudes of others, and the awareness of the consequences of unbridled candor. Some vent the attending emotions in private, to trusted allies. Such confidants are chosen with care, for INFJs are well aware of the treachery that can reside in the hearts of mortals. This particular combination of introverted intuition and extraverted feeling provides INFJs with the raw material from which perceptive counselors are shaped.

Introverted Thinking
The INFJ's thinking is introverted, turned toward the subject. Perhaps it is when the INFJ's thinking function is operative that he is most aloof. A comrade might surmise that such detachment signals a disillusionment, that she has also been found lacking by the sardonic eye of this one who plumbs the depths of the human spirit. Experience suggests that such distancing is merely an indication that the seer is hard at work and focusing energy into this less efficient tertiary function.

Extraverted Sensing
INFJs are twice blessed with clarity of vision, both internal and external. Just as they possess inner vision which is drawn to the forms of the unconscious, they also have external sensing perception which readily takes hold of worldly objects. Sensing, however, is the weakest of the INFJ's arsenal and the most vulnerable. INFJs, like their fellow intuitives, may be so absorbed in intuitive perceiving that they become oblivious to physical reality. The INFJ under stress may fall prey to various forms of immediate gratification. Awareness of extraverted sensing is probably the source of the "SP wannabe" side of INFJs. Many yearn to live spontaneously; it's not uncommon for INFJ actors to take on an SP (often ESTP) role.

Famous INFJs:
Nathan, prophet of Israel
Aristophanes
Chaucer
Goethe
Robert Burns, Scottish poet
U.S. Presidents:
Martin Van Buren
James Earl "Jimmy" Carter
Nathaniel Hawthorne
Fanny Crosby, (blind) hymnist
Mother Teresa of Calcutta
Fred McMurray (My Three Sons)
Shirley Temple Black, child actor, ambassador
Martin Luther King, Jr., civil rights leader, martyr
James Reston, newspaper reporter
Shirley MacLaine (Sweet Charity, ...)
Piers Anthony, author ("Xanth" series)
Michael Landon (Little House on the Prairie)
Tom Selleck
John Katz, critic, author
Paul Stookey (Peter, Paul and Mary)
U. S. Senator Carol Moseley-Braun (D-IL)
Billy Crystal
Garry Trudeau (Doonesbury)
Nelson Mandela
Mel Gibson
Carrie Fisher
Nicole Kidman
Jerry Seinfeld
Jamie Foxx
Sela Ward
Mark Harmon
Gary Dourdan
Marg Helgaberger
Evangeline Lilly
Tori May

Introverted iNtuiting Feeling Judging

by Marina Margaret Heiss
INFJs are distinguished by both their complexity of character and the unusual range and depth of their talents. Strongly humanitarian in outlook, INFJs tend to be idealists, and because of their J preference for closure and completion, they are generally "doers" as well as dreamers. This rare combination of vision and practicality often results in INFJs taking a disproportionate amount of responsibility in the various causes to which so many of them seem to be drawn.

INFJs are deeply concerned about their relations with individuals as well as the state of humanity at large. They are, in fact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing and are so genuinely interested in people -- a product of the Feeling function they most readily show to the world. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious "soul mates." While instinctively courting the personal and organizational demands continually made upon them by others, at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their intimates. This apparent paradox is a necessary escape valve for them, providing both time to rebuild their depleted resources and a filter to prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent "givers." As a pattern of behavior, it is perhaps the most confusing aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders, and hence the most often misunderstood -- particularly by those who have little experience with this rare type.

Due in part to the unique perspective produced by this alternation between detachment and involvement in the lives of the people around them, INFJs may well have the clearest insights of all the types into the motivations of others, for good and for evil. The most important contributing factor to this uncanny gift, however, are the empathic abilities often found in Fs, which seem to be especially heightened in the INFJ type (possibly by the dominance of the introverted N function).

This empathy can serve as a classic example of the two-edged nature of certain INFJ talents, as it can be strong enough to cause discomfort or pain in negative or stressful situations. More explicit inner conflicts are also not uncommon in INFJs; it is possible to speculate that the causes for some of these may lie in the specific combinations of preferences which define this complex type. For instance, there can sometimes be a "tug-of-war" between NF vision and idealism and the J practicality that urges compromise for the sake of achieving the highest priority goals. And the I and J combination, while perhaps enhancing self-awareness, may make it difficult for INFJs to articulate their deepest and most convoluted feelings.

Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills. [This is so true. Look at what I'm doing now.] Since in addition they often possess a strong personal charisma, INFJs are generally well-suited to the "inspirational" professions such as teaching (especially in higher education) and religious leadership. Psychology and counseling are other obvious choices, but overall, INFJs can be exceptionally difficult to pigeonhole by their career paths. Perhaps the best example of this occurs in the technical fields. Many INFJs perceive themselves at a disadvantage when dealing with the mystique and formality of "hard logic", and in academic terms this may cause a tendency to gravitate towards the liberal arts rather than the sciences. However, the significant minority of INFJs who do pursue studies and careers in the latter areas tend to be as successful as their T counterparts, as it is *iNtuition* -- the dominant function for the INFJ type -- which governs the ability to understand abstract theory and implement it creatively.

In their own way, INFJs are just as much "systems builders" as are INTJs; the difference lies in that most INFJ "systems" are founded on human beings and human values, rather than information and technology. Their systems may for these reasons be conceptually "blurrier" than analogous NT ones, harder to measure in strict numerical terms, and easier to take for granted -- yet it is these same underlying reasons which make the resulting contributions to society so vital and profound.

Copyright © 1996-2013 by Marina Margaret Heiss and Joe Butt
Cr: http://www.typelogic.com/infj.html
-

I feel a need to know what I really am like, because I feel confused about whatever I feel. I feel that I'm constantly at war with myself because I can't decide what I want and feel.

I'm often with people but I always feel lonely and out of place. I really can't help it.
Have I been sad for so long that right now all that I feel is just numbness? 
What happened to me? I feel that this is such a drastic change.. I wasn't even this full of negative energy in sec 3. Maybe I was already changing even then, just that the circumstances just shaped me to who I am today. I'm not even negative,
I'm just.. sad(?).

I just want to be okay happy.

can you hear me

I feel so overwhelmed with everything

I wish time could stop my results are like crap

cca is taking so much of my time

I’m so tired

I don’t even know if it’s worth it being there so much 

I want to be away from people 

everywhere I go it’s filled with people and it’s so noisy

 I’m filled to my head with all the projects

 and my body is breaking down

I feel so suffocated

 It’s like every one and every thing is sitting on me

 snatching every ounce of air that I’m trying to breathe in

 I just want to sit down, rest and enjoy peace

 I really don’t know what to do

help

stop making a fool, out of me

total eclipse of a heart

Hey guys.

So, my birthday came and went.

I'd love to upload the pictures, but nah.

I'm too lazy, sorry :B

But anyway, it's the best birthday I've EVER had.

I've these lovely people to thank for planning it:

Limin

Priya

Linda

Ruiwen

Xin Peng

Ermanda

Jin Kheng

Not forgetting, the RAINBOW BOYS , consisting of:

AJ

Philemon

Jia Heng

Benjamin

Yuwah

Azfar

And of course, the many wonderful people who gave me sweet wishes and presents.

There's too much to name, but I'll credit you guys when I DO post the pictures ya. :)

:D

These few days has proven that I had too much time on my hands.

Which in turn also means, I have too much time to think.

So yes.

I've been thinking about many many things.

Some sad, some happy.

To be more exact, I was thinking a lot of the past 2 years.

As they say, you win some, lose some.

Very appropriate indeed.

Many of the incidents cause me to think over the loopholes: thinking,

why it happened

what I could've done

what could have been

Of course, my mind often ends up a whirl.

Perhaps, you may say, why bother thinking about it, if it leaves you broken and battered?

But really, its hard to keep my mind off from thinking too much.

Ha, I can only blame myself for having too rich an imagination.

Even so, there has been too many unanswered questions.

Sadly.

Even as I've made up my mind to douse those thoughts, I can't help it if it haunts me.

It haunts me.

And often it leaves a scar.

Or rather, a tattoo.

Permanent and painful.

Sometimes, I wish I'd never met you,

I would spare myself so much pain.

Anyway, that aside, I'm here to do some promotion. ;)

The Ahmad Ibrahim Secondary Choir is presenting...

Cantare III

3rd December 2010, Friday

7.30pm

The Republic Cultural Centre Studio @ Republic Polytecnic

$12

We'll be singing many songs, including

I Gotta Feeling

Mamma Mia

Dancing Queen

& many more :)

Do support us!

Anyone interested please,

leave a tag or

sms me or

IM me.

Your support is much appreciated! :)

Thanks! :DD

Once upon a time,

I was falling in love.

Now,

I'm only falling apart.

Hurts

You will never know why.
And so.
You will never know that it actually broke my heart.
I chose to do it, but with a naive thought.
How was I to predict what EXACTLY was to happen.
But now I do.
I have ALWAYS been wrong.
DEAD WRONG.


But.
Now what?

Presentation @ RP

Hello peopleeeeee.

Finally can sit down and post.

:D

Todayyyyyy

Went for Choir at 10am.

Only had an hour.

Sad man.

As much as I didn't want to leave, me, Sabrina, Alfiah and Lucretia had to leave for STP meeting with Mr Elfie.

Geez, had to do mini presentation in front of him.

Discussed for 1h + then was dismissed for lunch.

So, Alfiah, Sabrina, Suran and I went to Causeway Point for lunch.

Ha ha ha.

Was crapping around like nobody's business.

Sat around in KFC for awhile, then decided to eat at Mac instead.

Hohoho.

Apparently, Suran kept complaining on how slow Alfiah ate.

(Y)

Then went to Republic Poly.

Hohoho, on the way there, saw Jiaqi.

Ohmytians.

He's so tall already.

Towering over me.

Nice seeing you again yeah!

As always, Alfiah was trying to pretend she knew him.

Dragged her away. ;)

Then reached RP.

Was quite early.

Mr Sue was still pretty clueless about what was going on.

._.

OH well.

Then colloqium started.

Freaky lecture.

Wanted to copy notes, but the lady skipped by the slides so fast...

Zzz.

Then after that teabreak.

Crapping as usual.

Sabrina just got the hang of the game in her phone.

Hohoho!

After that, had to go into our respective lecture halls while Mr Elfie went for the Teachers' Workshop.

Then had presentation.

Dang, I think I screwed up.

-.-

Forget it, dont want to talk about it.

It was damn freaking cold in the lecture hall la.

My fingernails literally turned purpleeeee.

My hand was whiteeeeeee.

No blood lol.

It was THAT cold.

Ended earlier than expected, so went home.

Rained.

o.o

Took MRT with Sabrina.

Was discussing how NO LIFE our lives were.

Its so sad knowing how fast - paced out lives are, what with SO MANY activities for us.

Its like, we don't have a chance to STOP, BREATHE and think.

Of course, complaining won't help, and in time to come, we'll miss this life.

But ain't it passing to fast?

If we stop, we can't catch up.

But if we dont, we can't catch our breath.

It's not a winning situation for anyone..

Maybe I should participate in lesser activities..

Mine's already jam-packed.

What with Cantare III coming up this December and SYF next April.

Yeesh.

I think my holidays are filled already.

Sometimes, I feel so tired.

But, I have to keep pushing.

(PUSH, Sabrina, PUSHHHHHH! You know what I mean rightttt.)

But , well, it's not like these practices are bad, they're GOOD.

So, for a good cause, why not. :)

At least having something to do is better than not doing anything.

:)

Although, I think my singing skills drop already.

):

Zzz, for Choir must gambate!

:DDDD

Food for thought,

DID YOU KNOW,

that laughing can cure many things,

and one of them is killing the cancerous cells in your body!

Cool right. ;)

Ha ha haaaaa! ;D

Yes yes, must be happy. :D

Damn, maybe I should learn how to NOT deprive myself of happiness, I tend to do that often..

So, right.

HAPPY. :D

Tag replies!

Wilson: YOU STALKER. Thanks lol.

Sabrina: Me too..

W: Hahhaha! The fat boys very cute! Twiddle dee and dum ! XD

Xavier: LOL! I'm NOT emo la.

Alfiah: Hahahaha. I love you too. :)

Meiyuan: HELLO! :) Thanks, linked yeah!

AT: Hahha, yupppp.

Yuwen: Okay, relinked :)

OBSERVATION I had today:

_________________. :D Guess.

Thought of the day:

I'm wondering if I really miss you.

Maybe, I do.

But then again, maybe I dont.

:)

You know what.

Screw the being happy part.

If I Stay. Avalanche of tears.

Hey there! :)

Nameless Memory (무명 기억) - Heo Yong Saeng ; SS501
Eng Translation of this song. :) from the times we spent together, i pull you out from the times long ago.. the memories with you the past, nameless memories in the times i spent together with you, i was always alone our memories were precious but to me, nameless memories love.. remembers you memories.. remember me in that place,every day, now even the skies remember us the times with you, i think about keeping them all but they're all scars the nameless memories that have come in the empty space, yearning for you, i always waited for youthe past memories were precious but all that's left are nameless memories love.. remembers you memories.. remember me in that place, every day, now the skies remember usi gave you all of my love the times together with you in my memories my love, those long ago days will all become memories i loved you love.. remembers you memories.. remember me because i love you because i love you i always remember us love.. and memories now are memories with no mention of us ************************

I didnt take this song just coz it was from Yong Saeng of SS501.

HOHO.

I really like this song.

It's so..

Sentimental.

Fits me. :)

So.
Let's talk about today. :)

This morning was freaking WINDYYYYY~
Ohh, I loved the weather.
:D
But I had goosebumps.
Was feeling very chilly..
But I loved the feeling of it. =D
However, it rained, and it's VERY heavy.
Even though me & Sab took our brollies, some part of us still got drenched anyway.
LOL!

Lit
Freaking,irritating Dear Mr Yong gave us a test today.
(-.-)
Totally unexpected.
AND.
He said that if we get lesser than 7/10 for this test, we'll have to go for SRP.
I honestly dont mind going for SRP, but HELLO?!
On Friday?
If he doesn't have any CCA, most of us do.
GEEZ!

PE
Weewoot.
It was still raining at that time!
Hoho, so Mr Cheak showed us some vids on some volleyball matches.
Ohmytian.
The Brazillians ladies are really tall know.
Their avg height is all abt 1.8 cans.
(O.O)
Anw, aft that, we sat on the floor while trying to set the ball to our partners.
I partnered Sab, thn it was hilarious, know!
Guess what, the ball ended up in the BIN!
HOHO!
We were sitting near the bin, thn somehow, I setted a lil too far (HEHEHS!) , then it spun and ended in there.
XD

MATHS
Did practices.
Ah, today got Pythagora's Theorem test.
(-.-)
I know I 1 qtn wrong liao.
Bummer.
Besides that, the test is actually alright.

RECESS
Bought food, thn went piano area with Qi & Wen. :)
Went back class, and saw Sab emo-ing.
Turns out she was upset over some things.

CHEER UP, WOMAN! :))
SMILE. ^^

SCIENCE
I can't find a word to describe this.

GEOG
A decent lesson at last.
:D

ENG
Went through Reader's Digest. (again.)
Yeah.

Homed, hwk-ed.
Sat down and read finish If I Stay by Gayle Forman.
It's a really nice book.
Before I knew it, I was having an avalanche of tears streaming down my face.
Hahahs.
Bet ya people don't know I can be that watery aye. :)
Anyway, that book is seriously, really, veryveryvery nice. :)
It's about this girl, who got in to an accident.
In which her parents and her younger brother dies.
So she's the sole survivor.
However, she is comatose, and her "soul" is around, in the hospital, watching everything happening.

Now, she's left with 2 options.
1 - To give up, and leave behind her grandparents, boyfriend, best friend and her first true love, music and join her parents & brother.
2 - To fight on, and go back to her loved ones.

I particularly like this part, where her boyfriend (Adam) tells her things while she was still comatose, YET, Mia (the girl) has been watching every movement in the hospital.

'If you stay, I'll do whatever you want. I'll quit the band, go with you to New York. But if you need me to go away, I'll do that, too. I was talking to Liz and she said maybe coming back to your old life would be just too painful, that maybe it'd be easier for you to erase us. And that would suck, but I'd do it. I can lose you like that if I dont lost you today.
I'll let you go.
If you stay.'
Then it is Adam who lets go. His sobs bursts like fists pounding against tender flesh. "

Ain't it shweet?
Hahs.
But, I wasn't tearing over this part okay.
(;
It was this.

The tears fall onto my blanket, onto my freshly combed hair.
Gramps doesnt wipe his face or blow his nose.
He just let the tears fall where they may.
He looks like he's about to leave, but then he doubles back to my bedside, bends to his face is level with my ear, and whispers into it.
'It's okay,' he tells me.
'If you want to go. Everyone wants you to stay. I want you to stay more than I've ever wanted anything in my life.'
His voice cracks with emotion.
He stops, clears his throat, takes a breath, and continues.
'But that's what I want and I could see why it might not be waht you want. So I just wanted to tell you that I understand if you go. It's okay if you have to leave us. It's okay if you want to stop fighting.'

There.
This one.
I cried like..
An open tap.
I dont knw, i mean, it's like, granting Mia the wish to leave, and find her parents and Teddy.
It's a really difficult decision to make.

What would YOU choose?

Quickie!

Hello! ((:
Yay!
I changed my blogskin!
To a white one! ;DD
Muahahaha!

Anyway.
A short update on today.
Ugh.
Morning's performance sucked.
'Cause we went pretty sharp.
Hah..
And those people were freaking IRRITATING! (-.-)
Comment so much for what?
Ughughugh.
Whattheworld.
They thought I was going to fall off the stage!
Just 'cause I had some body movement.
WE WERE SUPPOSED TO DO THAT! (=.=)

Total idiocy.

Damn it.
We don't deserve to be mocked, you know.
We're there to entertain with our voices.
Not how we look or whatever-bullshit.
If you can say so much, why don't YOU go on stage, sing out loud, try to keep in tune and try to impress your audience?
Shucks.

*Fast-forward*
After sch.
Had choir..
Oh man.
Totally bad..
Ms Ong really walked out on us this time.
Hah.
I don't blame her..
I blame myself.
Why did this have to happen?
Just days before SYF! -.-
I feel so SICK! (Not physically)
Ugh.
What's worse?
The seniors are leaving! :(
I dont know how alr la.
Argh!
Can't we just abide by everything and listen?
Let's just make this memorable for ALL OF US.
Seriously.
Why are we doing all this?
Personally, why I want to do this is due to my passion for singing.
Not for getting in to SYF or whatever.
Being in SYF is a bonus.
But others...
Hah.
I just hope all will be well by Wednesday.
We CANT afford to disappoint Ms Ong again.

That's all yo.
Byebye! ((:

I.Dont.KNOW.

I realise I dont know what I want nowadays.

What am I living for?

Life is so hectic, but it's like, stretchy and monotonous.

Where's my direction?

Where's my beliefs?

Where's my confidence?

Where did I go? (O,O)

Right.
Dang.
I don't know what I'm feeling. -.-
They say that people who are in depression have no emotions. O.O
That's the difference between stress and depression.
What am I talking about.. -.-
Nevermind.
Gibberish session.
Anyway.
Went to paint the classroom yesterday.
Fun yaw! (:
Purple rocks!

But I find the blue nicer.

It makes the classroom radiate calmness.

*breathes deeeeeeeeeeply*

Continued a lil today, during lunch and aft Choir.

Almost everything's done, but apparently, there's not enough paint.
RIGHT. ._.
But really, the class looks nicer, more mellow, in a sense. :)

CHOIR
Woo.
Sectionals started off weeeeeeell!
Even though we sounded dead.
Sorry, but even I feel emotionless.
But hey, it got better! :D

I feel like singing my heart out now.

But I cant.
Coz it's almost midnight.
Sweet-nimbleits. ._.
Anyway.
Combine was well too! (For the girls)
WOO!

My mum said my voice is nice to listen to if I sing certain songs. :DD
Dunno why I'm super hyped ah.

Aft choir, went to help.
Home-ed.
Did lit hw halfway (ugh), then doodled on a pieve of paper.
Wrote some quotes I used to/want to/do live by.

Nina needs a balance in like.
A time for relection.
Perception.
Some people assume way tooooooooo much.
The contradiction of life.
Life ALWAYS brings us back to square one..

Yeah.
I knw, Sabrina, it's random.
AGAIN. -.-
Anyway.
I gtg.
My dad wants to catch some Zzzzs.
Nites!

Life sucks.

有时候，心里没有了任何寄托，做错事总在为自己找借口，

也许该来的总会来，该走得总会走。

在生命的轮回里，一切都是我们的过客只要来过，

拥有过，真正的感悟过，就让我们轻轻走...过。

Right, I know I'm being racist.

Basically.

It just explains that people miss the chances of love so easily.

Things that are yours, are yours.

Things that aren't, will never be yours.